Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
So, Donald Trump apparently woke up one morning and decided — In between bouts of tweeting and leaning ominously over world maps — that what the American government really needs is a full-on Extreme Makeover: Administration Edition.
According to a report from Alternet, his plan involves reshaping the government so drastically, it wouldn’t be out of place in a surrealist Kafka novel. Aggressive is putting it mildly, this is more like government by sledgehammer. Honestly, if you love layers of irony piled up like a club sandwich, Trump’s plans are your next order.
The Breakdown
- Everyone’s a Yes-Man!
- Trump’s dream government is essentially a yes-man factory. Under his guidance, the administration would be less about public service and more about public servitude to whatever flies out of his mouth at 5 AM. Congrats! You’re now an official member of the ‘Army of Suck-ups’! Who needs independent thought when you can have unanimous agreement?
- Trump’s dream government is essentially a yes-man factory. Under his guidance, the administration would be less about public service and more about public servitude to whatever flies out of his mouth at 5 AM. Congrats! You’re now an official member of the ‘Army of Suck-ups’! Who needs independent thought when you can have unanimous agreement?
- Cut, Slash, and Burn Baby Burn
- The plan not only promotes redundancy but embraces it like an old friend at a high school reunion. Services and programs? Cut them! Regulations? Slash them! Any remnants of Obama’s presidency? Burn them! Because clearly, what makes government better isn’t complication, it’s simplicity — like a coloring book.
- The plan not only promotes redundancy but embraces it like an old friend at a high school reunion. Services and programs? Cut them! Regulations? Slash them! Any remnants of Obama’s presidency? Burn them! Because clearly, what makes government better isn’t complication, it’s simplicity — like a coloring book.
- Survival of the Fittest
- Think of it as a less ethical version of Survivor, Washington D.C. style. Only the most ruthless, cutthroat employees who can navigate this drastically remodeled landscape will survive. If you thought corporate ladder climbing was brutal, welcome to the jungle, baby.
- Think of it as a less ethical version of Survivor, Washington D.C. style. Only the most ruthless, cutthroat employees who can navigate this drastically remodeled landscape will survive. If you thought corporate ladder climbing was brutal, welcome to the jungle, baby.
- Reality TV Show Vibes
- Each government employee might as well brace themselves for the oncoming onslaught of challenges a la Celebrity Apprentice. Why? Because governing efficiently is laaaame. What you need is rating spikes, cliffhangers and, of course, commercial breaks.
- Each government employee might as well brace themselves for the oncoming onslaught of challenges a la Celebrity Apprentice. Why? Because governing efficiently is laaaame. What you need is rating spikes, cliffhangers and, of course, commercial breaks.
- Bureaucracy? I Don’t Know Her
- Why have a fully functioning bureaucracy when you can have an entertaining circus? The disarray might actually be a decoy to distract us from real issues. Or maybe it’s just rebranding? ‘Government Lite – Now With Fewer Calories!”
- Why have a fully functioning bureaucracy when you can have an entertaining circus? The disarray might actually be a decoy to distract us from real issues. Or maybe it’s just rebranding? ‘Government Lite – Now With Fewer Calories!”
The Counter
- Yes, Everyone is a No-Man!
- Instead of a herd of nodding heads, imagine a room full of people who actually say ‘no’ once in a while. Chaos? Perhaps. But delicious, constructive chaos.
- Instead of a herd of nodding heads, imagine a room full of people who actually say ‘no’ once in a while. Chaos? Perhaps. But delicious, constructive chaos.
- Hoarding is Caring
- What if instead of cutting everything, we start collecting? Collect ideas, solutions, and yes, even people. More the merrier, right? After all, hoarders can be remarkably efficient. Ever seen one navigate their stash?
- What if instead of cutting everything, we start collecting? Collect ideas, solutions, and yes, even people. More the merrier, right? After all, hoarders can be remarkably efficient. Ever seen one navigate their stash?
- Reality TV Sucks
- Let’s be honest, the only thing reality TV educates people on is how to perfect the dramatic gasp. Let’s keep the drama to Netflix and keep the real world sane. Novel concept, right?
- Let’s be honest, the only thing reality TV educates people on is how to perfect the dramatic gasp. Let’s keep the drama to Netflix and keep the real world sane. Novel concept, right?
- Bring Back the Bureaucracy
- Fine, bureaucracy is as exciting as watching paint dry. But guess what, it kind of works. Let’s spice it up but keep its bones — a little like Bureaucracy 2.0 but with fewer bugs.
- Fine, bureaucracy is as exciting as watching paint dry. But guess what, it kind of works. Let’s spice it up but keep its bones — a little like Bureaucracy 2.0 but with fewer bugs.
- Please, Can Everyone Just Chill?
- Instead of an extreme government makeover, how about a small redecorate? Throw some cushions around, add a splash of color and stop dismantling everything once in a while!
- Instead of an extreme government makeover, how about a small redecorate? Throw some cushions around, add a splash of color and stop dismantling everything once in a while!
The Hot Take
If we really want to fix things, let’s not use the Trump handbook, shall we? Let’s aim for a government that’s more of a jazz ensemble and less of a one-man band. More syncopation, less solo. A bit of improvisation can be fun, but you need to know the basics first.
Pull up a chair, tune your instruments, and maybe, just maybe, we can harmonize this chaotic symphony into something melodious. Trump’s strategy is like throwing the piano out the window to see if it’ll land on the right notes. Spoiler: It won’t. So let’s keep the piano, tune it up, and maybe learn how to play it together, shall we?
Source: Trump’s plan to ‘aggressively’ reshape government would create ‘army of suck-ups’: report
