Estimated reading time: 3 minutes
Let me get this straight. After five whole years of tap-dancing around the courts, North Carolina’s infamous voter ID trial is finally about to kick off. Yes, that’s right. It took nearly half a decade for us to start deciding whether making people flash an ID at the polls is a smack in the face of democracy or just a fun new way to say, “Hey, voting shouldn’t be so easy!”
I mean, come on! Can you imagine anything taking that long? If you ordered a pizza and they told you it would arrive in five years, you’d lose your mind! But here we are, ready to dig into a case colder than a judge’s stare.
Now, for those who’ve been living under a rock (or maybe just under a very heavy shell of cynicism), the whole hullabaloo revolves around whether this ID rule is a sly fox dance around voter suppression or just good ol’ fashioned bureaucratic paranoia. You know, because every time I go to vote, the thing I fear most is not the existential dread of choosing the lesser evil but whether grandma might be pulling a fast one by voting thrice using different wigs.
Voter fraud, the Loch Ness Monster of the electoral process—often talked about but never seen. Seriously, the number of actual fraud cases is so low you’d have more luck finding humility at a politicians’ gala. Yet, some folks argue that this mystical creature must be caged at all costs, even if it means throwing a few obstacles in the path of would-be voters. Because nothing says ‘freedom’ like making it as frustrating as possible to exercise your rights.
The arguments supporting voter ID laws crack me up. They say it’s as easy as getting an ID card, right? Oh, absolutely. Because every person has the time, money, and resources to hop on down to the DMV, take a number, sit between crying babies and folks who’ve been there since the dawn of time, just to get a piece of plastic that says, “Yes, I am indeed the person who got out of bed at the crack of dawn to stand in this line and question my life choices.”
But let’s not forget the real comedy here—the timing! Deciding to start this trial now, when our social and political climate is as stable as a one-legged chair in a bar fight. Genius! It’s like deciding to light a cigarette in a fireworks factory—what could possibly go wrong?
And at the heart of this comedic tragedy is the eternal struggle for power. Because let’s face it, making it harder for certain people to vote is a great strategy if you’re trying to cling to power like a cat on a curtain. Can’t win over the hearts and minds? No problem! Just thin out the herd until only your supporters are left standing in line, carrying their golden tickets—I mean, IDs.
So as this trial finally unfolds, let’s pop the popcorn and settle in for a show that promises to be as bewildering as it is unnecessary. Because nothing says ‘modern democracy’ like spending years and countless dollars to solve problems that don’t exist while real issues queue up like they’re trying to get the best seats at a blockbuster.
I’ll be here, chuckling in the back row, because if you don’t laugh, you just might cry.
Source: 5 years after federal suit, North Carolina voter ID trial set to begin
