Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
Oh, I truly love how every election cycle transforms certain politicians into overnight MDs. Yes, I’m looking at you, GOP. The gang that couldn’t shoot straight unless it’s in the feet—of their own party or any rights that seem too cumbersome to carry into the future. It’s 2024 and here we are, dealing with the same old nonsense with a new nasty twist.
We’ve got every Tom, Dick, and Hairy Republican armchair gynecologist out there saying they know what’s best for women. Because, heavens, if there’s anything a room full of old white men understand, it’s the nuanced needs of women’s health care, am I right? Yeah, bang-up job, boys.
Remember Missouri? Good old Missouri. You might think it’s just a place that’s famous for barbecue and some arch (stunning, by the way). But nope, now it’s leaping headfirst into the stinking cesspool of politics by potentially messing up with IVF treatments and contraceptive rights. They’re about to pass a law that could make any attempt to mess with a zygote the legal equivalent of homicide. I mean, who knew zygotes had such robust legal representation?
And it’s not just Missouri getting in on this insanity parade. No, sir. This is spreading faster than that time my Uncle Louie thought he could barbecue indoors. States are falling over themselves to see who can trample personal freedoms the fastest, pushing everything from total bans to the most absurd restrictions. Because when has not having a choice ever felt less American?
And these folks are serious! They’re pushing nonsense with the same fervor that my mom uses to clip coupons before a sale at Macy’s. It’s relentless. They toss around terms like ‘pro-life’ with the kind of casual disregard for context that would make a dictionary weep. Pro-life? More like pro-lobbying, pro-pandering, and pro-power plays!
It’s enough to make your head spin. Weren’t these the same guys who were all gung-ho about freedom and less government control? Now look at them! They can’t wait to get into the business of regulating everything from bedrooms to doctor’s offices. I guess they just love the irony, like serving a vegan a steak dinner.
Remember, these are the self-proclaimed champions of individual freedom, but only when it’s convenient, like during tax season or when they’re buying their seventeenth firearm. Oh, the freedom to arm yourself to the teeth, that’s sacred. But the freedom to make decisions about your own body? Nah, that’s negotiable, baby.
Talking about this stuff would be hilarious if it weren’t so painfully, desperately real. You almost expect them to break out into a dance routine: ‘We hate regulations—unless they’re regulating you!’
The genius plan seems to be nothing but a thinly veiled crusade to set women’s rights back by about a century. Because why not, right? We’re already trying to bring back coal, might as well bring back corsets and horse carriages while we’re at it. Make America Gilded Again!
It’s madness. Sheer, utter, laugh-until-you-cry-then-cry-because-it’s-real madness. And it’s made even more absurd by the fact that these decisions are dripping with double standards and oozing with hypocrisy. ‘Small government but also, let’s station a guard inside every uterus, just to be safe, pencil that in, Bob.’
So here we go again, folks. Strap in. It’s gonna be a bumpy ride into the election season with more of these harebrained ideas getting tossed around like grenades in a clown car. And you just know it’s only going to get weirder.
I’m so old I remember when GOP stood for Grand Old Party. Now it seems to stand for ‘Geez, Overreach Palooza.’
Eh? Let’s have a toast, to the good times rolling back, courtesy of the new guardians of uteri everywhere. Cheers, you madcap policymakers, you! Here’s to hoping common sense is the next thing they try to regulate. Because, God knows, there’s a shortage of that.
Source: Democrats seek to make GOP candidates pay for threats to reproductive rights
