Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
Man, have you seen what California is up to these days? They’re building a water tunnel for twenty billion dollars. You know, I’ve been in debt before, but at least my debt didn’t have the audacity to call itself a tunnel!
Now, they say this marvel of modern engineering will move a whopping 161 million gallons per hour. That’s right, folks. PER HOUR. And here I am just trying to get my toilet to flush properly!
But let’s talk about that number. 161 million gallons an hour. Do you even know how much that is? I bet you don’t. And that’s okay, because no one does. I’m pretty sure that’s around the same amount of sweat produced by people stuck in LA traffic in one day.
Here’s the kicker: this project costing more than some small countries’ GDP is supposed to save California’s faltering water supply. Don’t get me wrong, I feel for Californians struggling with water shortages, but maybe, just maybe, if they stopped living in a desert—I don’t know—where it barely rains, they wouldn’t need a twenty-billion-dollar frickin’ water slide!
It’s almost like California is playing a giant game of “Where’s the Water?” And the prize is you get to keep living there but with an extra special bonus of paying higher taxes!
Further, what I love about this whole ordeal is they call it “The WaterFix”. Oh, that’s clever. Real clever. It’s like branding the Hindenburg “The Flame Balloon”. They make it sound like it’s actually going to work. California, if you need a “fix,” it’s probably time to admit you have a water problem. Stop playing around with your fancy names and get to the root of the issue: it doesn’t rain there!
A tunnel. Beneath the Sacramento-San Joaquin Delta. Fantastic! And I thought it was dangerous when somebody built their house over a sinkhole. What could possibly go wrong here?! It’s like playing Jenga but with Earth’s crust.
And how about the money? $20 billion! Who’s paying for this? Oh, that’s right, taxpayers. The hardworking folks who already can’t afford to buy a house in California, let alone pay for a water slide that defies nature’s plan.
Just think about it: you’re minding your own business, trying to eke out a living, and then, SURPRISE!, you’re now an unwilling investor in the world’s most expensive waterslide.
I wouldn’t be surprised if they next turn it into a Disneyland attraction: “Come ride the WaterFix! Only $20 billion per ticket! Splash down while you drown under the weight of crippling debt and bureaucratic nonsense!”
Speaking of Disneyland, which is ironically paying $20 a pop for their chocolate-dipped churros—there’s a theme here, folks—a certain “Mickey Mouse Operation” comes to mind. Apparently, the people running California’s water problem have been taking tips from everyone’s favorite cartoon rodent. Next thing you know, goofy is head of state planning too.
Listen, California, just so we’re clear: we’re not laughing at you (well, maybe a little). No, we’re laughing because crying would mean we’re also facing water shortages, massive debt, and loopy politicians.
Meanwhile, our friends in the Midwest are dealing with floods, and there’s a pizzeria managing to stay in business by sending surplus water to you. Dear sweet corn-covered flatland, don’t let California’s debt spread over to you. You’ve got enough on your flannel-wearing plate.
But seriously, California, maybe you need to rethink your priorities. Great, you have Silicon Valley—fantastic! You have Hollywood—brilliant! But let’s focus on basic needs, like not turning into a dust bowl. Do us all a favor: stop building tunnels to nowhere and start finding real solutions.
Like, how about this crazy idea: capturing and storing rainwater when it actually decides to show up? Yesterday I saw a Californian dancing in the street because it rained for five minutes. Coincidence? I think not.
In summary, congrats, California! You twisted our minds, piqued our curiosity, and made us laugh until we cried. We eagerly await the grand opening of your tunnel. Until then, remember, when it comes to California crisis management, it’s always apparently go big or go home. Or, in the case of your $20 billion experiment, maybe do both.
Source: California’s $20 Billion Water Tunnel to Move 161 Million Gallons Per Hour
