Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
The Details
In the world of politics, where subtlety is as common as a unicorn in Times Square, a conservative group decided to play a magic trick so impressive it would make David Copperfield blush. They aren’t sawing ladies in half but are instead trying to slice off a chunk of Black voters from the Democratic base. By launching what can only be described as the epitome of a whisper campaign, these political maestros have been sending out mailers to Black communities aimed at turning them against Biden. It’s like cupid aiming his arrows at the ballot box, but instead of love, he’s spreading the joy of second guesses and raising eyebrows at Democratic policies.
The Breakdown
- Subtlety of a Sledgehammer in a Library: These mailers are tackling issues such as Biden’s stance on menthol cigarette bans. Because, sure, the fate of democracy and social justice hinges on the ability to enjoy a refreshing minty smoke.
- We all know that mail is the new internet. Forget Twitter; the real hot takes are in your mailbox. Nothing screams change like a leaflet sandwiched between a coupon for hemorrhoid cream and a Valpak.
- Get Them Young, Get Them Hooked (on Politics): Not content with resting in the laurels of traditional voting age groups, the campaign aims to capture the hearts and minds of the people who are still deciding if high-waisted jeans are a fashion statement or a practical joke.
- Because when TikTok influences aren’t convincing enough, a glossy flyer from an obscure political group is sure to do the trick.
- Hide and Mis-seek: Like a political Where’s Waldo, finding out who’s behind these mailers is more challenging than figuring out if that thing your aunt posted on Facebook is a conspiracy theory or a poorly written satire.
- Transparency? We don’t need no stinking transparency! Let’s cloak our efforts in mystery, because everyone loves a good surprise, especially when it concerns their voting choices.
- Rebranding 101: Biden’s known for his love of aviators, ice cream, and now, according to the flyers, being the arch-enemy of flavored tobacco everywhere.
- Remember when politicians were defined by their policies on economics, health care, and foreign relations? Yeah, me neither. It seems the flavored smoke is clouding our vision of the bigger issues.
- Divide and Conquer (Or at least confuse): The aim is to create a rift wider than the Grand Canyon within the Democratic voter base.
- If you can’t win ’em, confuse ’em. That’s straight from the Machiavellian guide to campaign strategy, right after “The Ends Justify the Memes”.
The Counter
- The Fresh Prince of Hot Air: Because when you’re facing a global pandemic, economic upheaval, and a climate crisis, the true deciding factor of leadership should revolve around whether or not someone can puff a menthol cloud.
- Priorities are like opinions: everyone’s got one, but some stink more than others, and this one smells distinctly of mint.
- Evergreen Politics: Who knew that the leaf that flavors a Mojito would become the leaf of choice for political battlegrounds?
- Ah, the mint leaf, the unsung hero of dental hygiene and apparently, the cornerstone of voter manipulation.
- Mail Justice Warrior: Good old snail mail comes to the rescue in spreading political propaganda, because nothing speaks truth to power like ink on paper.
- Forget the ballot box; let’s have policy decisions decided via chain letters and aggressive postcard campaigns.
- The Flavor Ninja: Sneaking in political influence by pointing to a president’s take on one minor aspect is like blaming Godzilla for your inability to get a date to prom.
- Because, let’s face it, everything was fine until that darn lizard stepped on the limousine.
- Smoky Mirrors: Let’s not look too closely at the real issues, because if there’s one thing that’ll distract the voter base, it’s the argument over which smoke smells sweeter.
- Who needs healthcare when you can have flavored carcinogens? It’s about freedom, people!
The Hot Take
Here’s the deal, folks. If you want to play the political game and come out sparkling like a freshly washed puppy in a Purina commercial, focus on policies that actually better the lives of your constituents. Address the systematic issues that create decades of oppression and inequality, not just whether someone has the right to a cool minty aftertaste.
Policy-wise, we could do a lot worse than focusing on, I don’t know, education, healthcare, or even tackling institutional racism. Fix the big-picture issues and the rest – including the freedom to inhale your choice of FDA-approved smog – will follow suit.
Source: Conservative group launches a quiet effort to drive Black voters away from Biden
