Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
The Details
In the world where we thought that scrolling through endless feeds of cat videos and people’s dinner photos was the crux of the internet’s splendor, Vice decided to take a detour off the super-information highway. Their latest stunt involves handing out pink slips like they’re flyers to a mediocre open mic night. Yes, you read that correctly. Vice is cutting back, and it’s not just the free office snacks or those weird-flavored seltzers. The digital media giant is actually laying off a couple of hundred souls who once proudly churned out content that made your most bizarre Google searches look vanilla.
The Breakdown
- Vice Throws in the Towel: How Original Reporting Got Clotheslined: Look, Vice used to be the cool kid who told you dirty jokes behind the bicycle shed. Now it’s more like your uncle trying to stay hip by using slang in crossword puzzles.
- The Great Exodus: “You Get a Layoff! And You Get a Layoff!”: Oprah would be jealous of the layoff spree Vice is on. Picture hundreds of creative minds suddenly having “more time to pursue their hobbies” – yay?
- Online Heavyweight Goes Lightweight: Vice, once the heavyweight champion of online edgy news, seems to be cutting down for a different weight class. I’m guessing featherweight—just enough mass to keep floating in the breeze but not enough to throw a punch.
- Money Trees Don’t Grow in Vice’s Garden: Turns out, growth charts don’t look so snazzy when your roots are tangled in ambitious projects that don’t bear the fruit called profits. Somebody, please remind them that money doesn’t grow on Twitter retweets.
- Vice Waves White Flag to Subscriptions and Paywalls: As every other media organization puts up a toll booth, Vice veers off into a lay-by. They are bucking the trend, alright, by giving the stiff arm to the idea of subscription models. Because who needs steady income, right?
The Counter
- The “Viceless” Economy is Flourishing: As Vice personnel clear their desks, let’s all pretend that the world is absolutely thriving without thought-provoking stories and reporters who probably know what “lit” means.
- Unemployment is the New Employment: I mean, who needs a job when you’ve finally got time to master the sourdough starter? These Vice folks are set up for their future in a bakery, for sure.
- Free Content for All – The Day the Paywalls Died: Down with the tyranny of paywalls! Our forefathers fought for free articles—next to life, liberty, and the pursuit of cat memes, naturally.
- Oh, the Content We’ll Go Without!: Who will miss the captivating tales of underground toad-licking festivals or the exposé on artisanal air markets? Not the masses who now eagerly await the next dance challenge video, I bet.
- Bye Bye Vice, Hello Vice Jr.: As the empire descends, the interns rise. Get ready for Vice Jr., where the content will be hastily written by the over-caffeinated class of 2025 with a dash of existential dread.
The Hot Take
Well, folks, it seems like we’ve hit a vice grip in the road. The beloved lamp of liberty, held high by the torch-bearing arm of free and slightly weird journalism, is flickering under the thunderstorm of economic downturns. However, fear not my digital disciples! The spirit of Vice’s edginess shall live on in the hearts of many a Twitter thread and TikTok tale.
So, what’s the liberal take on fixing the mess? First off, let’s gather everyone round—yes, even the Bernie meme enthusiasts—and open up a GoFundMe to save our beloved renegades of reporting. Next, we will need to implement a crash course on “How to Make Money without Selling Your Soul or Clicking on Dubious Pop-Up Ads 101.”
Remember that democracy doesn’t just need a free press; it needs a weird press that asks questions like “What does snake venom taste like?” and “Can you really knit a sweater from belly button lint?” So, let’s all don some hipster glasses, pour a craft beer, and brainstorm how to put the V(ice) back into Vice, all while maintaining the laughs, the satire, and the crumbs of dignity we have left.
Source: Vice to lay off hundreds and stop publishing on website
