Estimated reading time: 5 minutes
Once upon a time in a political landscape not too far away, there was a man who stood by another man who had hair that defied both physics and common sense. That man is Mike Pence, and according to a bunch of Republicans who probably still have “Hang in there, baby!” posters on their walls, he did something extraordinary — he put ‘Country Over Party.’ The latest ad from a GOP group shakes the dust off the party’s coat of ethics and drapes it over Pence’s shoulders, making him a Grand Old Party’s boy scout. This ad, it’s like watching the school bully’s sidekick getting an award for sportsmanship. But hey, let’s dive in, shall we?
The Breakdown
- “Mike Pence did a thing” — GOP Plasters a Gold Star on his Forehead
- Oh, what a day! Mike Pence, the human equivalent of unflavored oatmeal, fancied himself a moment of rebellion. He certified an election, which is basically his job. Bravo, Mike. Next, they’ll be celebrating him for remembering to breathe.
- Oh, what a day! Mike Pence, the human equivalent of unflavored oatmeal, fancied himself a moment of rebellion. He certified an election, which is basically his job. Bravo, Mike. Next, they’ll be celebrating him for remembering to breathe.
- “Trumpeters’ Trumpet no more for Pence?” — A Tale of Unrequited Bro-mance
- “Watch out, Hallmark!” — GOP’s Sentimental Side Shines in Ad
- This ad, dripping with more drama than a soap opera finale, could give greeting card writers a run for their money. It has betrayal, courage, and a touch of “WHAT were you thinking!?” all rolled into one. Cancel cable, folks; the real entertainment is in political ads.
- This ad, dripping with more drama than a soap opera finale, could give greeting card writers a run for their money. It has betrayal, courage, and a touch of “WHAT were you thinking!?” all rolled into one. Cancel cable, folks; the real entertainment is in political ads.
- “The GOP: Now with 5% More Ethical Fiber” — Attempting to Clean Up the Diet
- The GOP is on a new diet: fiber-rich principles and a sprinkle of morals. This ad is their version of flexing in the ethical mirror, but let’s be honest, it’s less “world’s strongest man” and more “I lifted a box of tissues.”
- The GOP is on a new diet: fiber-rich principles and a sprinkle of morals. This ad is their version of flexing in the ethical mirror, but let’s be honest, it’s less “world’s strongest man” and more “I lifted a box of tissues.”
- “Is it too late now to say sorry? — GOP’s Remix Featuring Justin Bieber
- Well, it seems the GOP wants a do-over, with stretched arms itching for absolution. With this ad, they’re crooning a pop apology, but it’s more of a toe-tap than a foot-stomp on the party’s dance floor.
- Well, it seems the GOP wants a do-over, with stretched arms itching for absolution. With this ad, they’re crooning a pop apology, but it’s more of a toe-tap than a foot-stomp on the party’s dance floor.
The Counter
- Saint Pence — With More Saints Like This, Who Needs Sinners?
- Saint Pence, the patron saint of bare minimum Buddhists. If doing the job you swore to do is heroic, then my mail carrier deserves a statue in the park. Stand by for the spiritual sequel: Saint Pence and the Chamber of Expected Duties.
- Saint Pence, the patron saint of bare minimum Buddhists. If doing the job you swore to do is heroic, then my mail carrier deserves a statue in the park. Stand by for the spiritual sequel: Saint Pence and the Chamber of Expected Duties.
- Love Means Never Having to Say You’re Embarrassed — Except for Politics
- Ah, the sweet nothings whispered in the dark corners of Capitol Hill. “Sorry, not sorry.” The GOP ad is a heartfelt, tearful whisper into the ether. Still, it’s more like when you accidentally step on your dog’s paw and feel bad for a second.
- Ah, the sweet nothings whispered in the dark corners of Capitol Hill. “Sorry, not sorry.” The GOP ad is a heartfelt, tearful whisper into the ether. Still, it’s more like when you accidentally step on your dog’s paw and feel bad for a second.
- Unintentional Comedy Gold — When Did the GOP Hire Mel Brooks?
- If irony were strawberries, we’d all be drinking smoothies. This ad is a masterclass in unintentional satire; I mean, really, it’s like the Three Stooges took a course in political advertising.
- If irony were strawberries, we’d all be drinking smoothies. This ad is a masterclass in unintentional satire; I mean, really, it’s like the Three Stooges took a course in political advertising.
- Don’t Call it a Comeback — GOP’s Been Here for Years
- Repackaging Pence as the face of gallantry is like rebranding asparagus as a candy treat. You can dress it up all you want, but it’s still going to taste like, well, asparagus.
- Repackaging Pence as the face of gallantry is like rebranding asparagus as a candy treat. You can dress it up all you want, but it’s still going to taste like, well, asparagus.
- Fiscal Responsibility: Just Kidding! — This Ad Ain’t Cheap
- Spending cash on ads to spotlight the bleeding obvious is like buying water at a free spring. It’s hard to be fiscally conservative when you’re making it rain for a participation trophy.
- Spending cash on ads to spotlight the bleeding obvious is like buying water at a free spring. It’s hard to be fiscally conservative when you’re making it rain for a participation trophy.
The Hot Take
What do we do with this tragicomedy? As your resident political stand-up philosopher, I say we grab our bedazzlers and spruce up that constitution with some sparkly common sense. Next up, let’s craft an award ceremony for political figures who do their job without the threat of eternal damnation. We could call it the “Did My Job Awards,” sponsored by Post-It Notes — because sometimes people need a reminder to do their darn work.
In all seriousness, though, it would be nice to see those same GOP groups who are willing to throw a parade for Pence when he follows the law, put that energy into actually bettering the lives of the Americans they serve. Perhaps health care that doesn’t require selling your firstborn? Affordable education that doesn’t start with a ‘Go Fund Me’?
Now let us not stray from calling out the absurd when it marches through town in a three-piece suit. Because if we stop laughing, we might start crying, and my tear ducts ran dry around the time my hope decided to take an extended sabbatical.
Source: Republican Group’s Ad Taunts Donald Trump By Noting Mike Pence Put ‘Country Over Party’
