Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
Mike Lindell, the MyPillow CEO who’s become as synonymous with controversial political claims as he is with sleep products, has apparently found himself in a bit of a tight spot. In a rather ironic twist for a man in the business of providing a good night’s rest, his company was unceremoniously booted out of their Shakopee warehouse. That’s right, evicted! And all because of something as trivial as failing to pay the rent—it’s almost as if these buildings don’t just house dreams for free. But let’s get down to the nitty-gritty, shall we?
The Breakdown
- Rent? What Rent?:
Normally, when you agree to pay for the use of a property, you’re expected to cough up the dough. But hey, maybe Lindell thought that the rent was just a liberal conspiracy meant to keep the entrepreneurial spirit down. The Shakopee warehouse must have missed the memo claiming that the economic rules don’t apply if you’re selling political ideologies with your pillows. - Eviction Notice as a Badge of Honor:
Some people get eviction notices and think, “Oh no, where will I put my stuff?” Mike Lindell, however, might just frame his and hang it up as evidence that the deep state is trying to sabotage his empire of fluff. After all, nothing says ‘persecution complex’ quite like interpreting a court order as a covert operation. - The Warehouse’s Liberal Agenda:
It’s a little-known fact that buildings can have political leanings. Maybe the warehouse, tired of housing pillows that have been privy to too many alternative facts, decided to stage its own quiet protest. The late rent payments? Just the excuse it needed to cleanse itself of the conspiracy-laden cotton. - But Where Will the Pillows Go?:
Pillows without a bed, or in this case, a warehouse, are a sad sight. You have to wonder if they’re being gently laid down in storage units whispering, “All we wanted was to support heads, not unsubstantiated claims.” - The MyPillow Guy’s Next Big Move:
Given how Lindell turned pillows into a political statement, we’re all waiting with bated breath to see what’s next. A line of duvets designed for burrowing heads in the sand, perhaps? Or maybe blackout curtains to ensure that daylight and reality can be kept at bay indefinitely?
The Counter
- Warehouse Schmarehouse:
Tennis, anyone? A warehouse being vacated is just another opportunity to host a pro bono pillow fighting championship for “freedom.” Who needs stock security when you’ve got symbolic battles to wage? - The Rent Is Too Darn High:
Clearly, this is a case of the Shakopee warehouse displaying rampant fiscal insensitivity. With all the MyPillow ads patriotically airing every other minute, who’s got the spare change for rent? - A New Marketing Campaign:
“Get your Eviction Collection MyPillows now, featuring the comforting support of high-quality foam mixed with the exhilarating thrill of living on the edge of societal norms!” - Strategic Downsizing:
Let’s not jump to conclusions here. Perhaps this is all part of a shrewd business strategy where you reduce your overhead by not having overhead, literally. Open-air pillow markets are the future, folks. - The Ultimate Save:
One word: Bailout. If the government can rescue big banks, why not a patriotic pillow company? The “MyPillow Stimulus Package” has a certain ring to it, no?
The Hot Take
In a world filled with uncomfortable truths, the MyPillow saga stands as a beacon of hope for those who find solace in alternative realities. Rather than focus on tedious tasks like ‘paying rent,’ we should embrace the chaos and liberate our pillows from the oppressive confines of warehouses, free to roam the prairies, where they can be wild and fluffy and free from the tyranny of late payment fines.
If we really want to fix this problem and keep America’s head comfortably cradled, here’s an idea: every citizen could foster a MyPillow, thereby distributing them far and wide, across this great nation. Big Government could sponsor the runaway cushions, and we wouldn’t need warehouses at all. Imagine—the great American sleep-out, where we all stand guard, pillows in hand, fighting off the specter of insomnia and eviction notices. Now, that’s what I call a dream solution.
Source: Mike Lindell Confirms MyPillow Evicted From Warehouse
