Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
In a stunning display of compassion that rivals the soothing touch of sandpaper underwear, a GOP Senate hopeful recently tossed out the revolutionary idea that those who carry a few extra pounds should also carry the burden of higher insurance premiums. This brainstorm springs from the increasingly popular political strategy of targeting vulnerable populations, because why address systemic health issues when you can add a surcharge to someone’s waistline?
The Breakdown:
- The Return of the Scarlet Letter, Now in Plus Size!
Just when you thought body-shaming was so passé, it’s back with a vengeance and has taken a residency in the political arena. This candidate probably thinks calling out the chubby is a public service, akin to the hearing tests provided by his speeches — you know, because everyone’s ears are bleeding by the end. - A Svelte Wallet for Your Slim Figure
Forget about healthcare as a human right; it’s the latest accessory for the thin elite. The heavier your body, the lighter your wallet, which I suppose could be a new weight-loss technique that’s both fiscally responsible and utterly demoralizing. - BMI: The Body Money Index
Could it be that your Body Mass Index could now affect your bottom line? Picture the scene at the insurance office: “Step right up, get on the scale, and watch your rate go up in real-time!” They could turn it into a carnival game — everyone loves those, right? - The Obesity Surcharge: The Sin Tax of Sins
Cigarettes and alcohol had their tax fun, so why not bring obesity into the mix? Maybe next, they’ll tax people for not smiling enough or having a bad hair day. After all, such audacity must come with a financial penalty. - Trickle-Down Healthonomics
The rationale must be if you charge the overweight more, they’ll have less money for food, and voila — problem solved! It’s an economic diet plan. Who knew fiscal policy could double as a health regimen?
The Counter:
- Exercise Your Rights, Not Your Body
Because who needs physical health when you can simply legislate the pounds away? It’s a new form of policy cardio that sheds the pesky weight of empathy and decency. - Eat the Rich, They’re Low in Calories
If socioeconomic status can determine your diet, then the rich must be the most nutritious option around. Never mind the fact that they’re often high in artificial sweeteners and empty promises. - The American Dream: Thin Waist, Fat Wallet
It’s the pursuit of happiness with a strict dress code. Stay trim, or pay at the gym—and by gym, we mean the insatiable maw of insurance premia. - Let Them Eat Kale
Who needs cake when you can feast upon the leafy greens of economic sanctions? The excess weight might not be gone, but the joy of living sure will be. - The Thinner the Better: Skeletons Don’t Pay Premiums
Perhaps the end goal is to whittle down constituents to mere bones. After all, skeletons are weightless in the eyes of the scale and thus the insurance policy.
The Hot Take:
In a outpouring of ill-conceived wit and enlightenment, our GOP Senate wizard has cast a fog spell over the concept of societal compassion. Who would have thought that financial punishment could eradicate a complex health issue ignited by a myriad of socioeconomic factors deeper than a fad diet’s promise? As a liberal empathizer, I’d suggest an alternative approach: investing in public health initiatives, promoting affordable nutritious food options, and subsidizing gym memberships.
Let’s add a dash of education in there because clearly, a lesson or two on empathy and evidence-based policy wouldn’t go amiss. Let’s encourage positive health outcomes rather than bask in the schadenfreude of financial penalties, because in this comedic horror show, the only thing that should be slimming down is the gap between access to healthcare and public policy ignorance.
Source: FATTIES NEED NOT APPLY: GOP Senate candidate wants the obese to PAY MORE for insurance
