Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
In a world teeming with modern crises, thank goodness we’ve managed to uncover the possibility (yet again) that prehistoric people might just have tried to signal their paths to the afterlife with their version of breadcrumbs.
The brilliant minds, otherwise known as archaeologists, at what apparently was a rave in a field – but no, it’s an “important site” – have stumbled upon what they believe could be “incredibly rare” artifacts marking the spiritual GPS routes of our ancestors. If you ever felt lost trying to use Apple Maps, imagine how the Neoliths felt!
The Breakdown
- Heap o’ Stones Spells Mystery: They found stones arranged in a pattern, but calling them guides to the afterlife might just be a stretch. It’s like me believing my dropped M&Ms lead to my bed.
- These ECCENTRIC formations suggest some sort of ritualistic or symbolic use. Or maybe someone back then just liked geometry. A lot.
- These ECCENTRIC formations suggest some sort of ritualistic or symbolic use. Or maybe someone back then just liked geometry. A lot.
- Ceramic Shards with Secrets: Bits of pottery were unearthed, tagged as crucial artefacts. To me, it looks like they just couldn’t keep their dishes intact. Maybe prehistoric life was one big Greek wedding?
- Ancient folks apparently broke their pottery at significant spots as part of ceremonies. Modern folks do the same with iPhones, proving everything is a ritual if you’re clumsy enough.
- Ancient folks apparently broke their pottery at significant spots as part of ceremonies. Modern folks do the same with iPhones, proving everything is a ritual if you’re clumsy enough.
- The All-Seeing Burial Grounds: Several burial mounds were found, and yes, they think these were VIP tickets to the afterparty in the afterlife.
- If you thought keeping up with the Joneses was bad now, imagine trying to outdo your neighbor with a fancier dirt pile.
- If you thought keeping up with the Joneses was bad now, imagine trying to outdo your neighbor with a fancier dirt pile.
- Flint and Bones – It’s a Party: Every good archaeological site throws in some bones and flint, because what’s a historical dig without some sharp objects and the remains of, well, anything?
- This combo is touted as “tools for the afterlife.” Thoughtful, just in case you need to open a can of who-knows-what.
- This combo is touted as “tools for the afterlife.” Thoughtful, just in case you need to open a can of who-knows-what.
- Ghostly GPS Coordinates: Here’s the kicker – they suspect these artifacts literally pointed the way to where the souls needed to go. Because ancient spirits needed Google Maps?
- Positional accuracy wasn’t great back then; let’s just be thrilled they didn’t have to rely on Siri.
- Positional accuracy wasn’t great back then; let’s just be thrilled they didn’t have to rely on Siri.
The Counter
- Stones That Might Just Be Stones: What if they were just, you know, decorating? Maybe prehistoric folks liked a pleasant, rock-based garden aesthetic.
- Imagine interpreting IKEA assembly leftovers as sacred artifacts in a few thousand years. Scary thought, huh?
- Imagine interpreting IKEA assembly leftovers as sacred artifacts in a few thousand years. Scary thought, huh?
- Shattered Pottery Economics: Could it be they just really didn’t make stuff to last? Maybe this is the ancient equivalent of throwing out the TV when you lose in a video game.
- Practical or mystical? Hard to say when you’re throwing things during a tantrum—or a ceremony.
- Practical or mystical? Hard to say when you’re throwing things during a tantrum—or a ceremony.
- Graveyard Overachievers: These burial mounds seem a tad obsessive. Were they competing for the Best Afterlife Entry Award?
- Maybe death was just the Neolithic version of a neighborhood zoning competition.
- Maybe death was just the Neolithic version of a neighborhood zoning competition.
- Primitive Toolkit or Random Junk?: Bones and flint could just be the garbage of yesteryear. Today’s archaeologist’s treasure is tomorrow’s ancient trash.
- If paleo-garbage men existed, perhaps these sites would have been cleared up millennia ago.
- If paleo-garbage men existed, perhaps these sites would have been cleared up millennia ago.
- Spiritual Google Maps, Really?: The likelihood that spiritual beings needed physical props to find the afterlife implies they might not have been quite all-knowing.
- Even souls apparently needed a roadmap. Maybe they should have just used Waze.
- Even souls apparently needed a roadmap. Maybe they should have just used Waze.
The Hot Take
Ah, humanity! We are forever trying to understand the bygone with little bits and bobs we find in the ground. What’s evidently clear is that just as we use our gadgets and gizmos today, ancient people tried to make sense of their world the best they could. They might not have had Twitter to rant on, but they definitely knew how to throw a good afterlife party.
Maybe the solution here isn’t digging up more ground but rather addressing today’s beliefs and practices around death, dying, and digital footprints. Could you imagine future generations digging up a hard drive filled with Tweets? They’d think we worshipped cats and argued about everything under the sun.
Instead of spending millions on digs, maybe we should focus on bettering our understanding of current cultures and improving our own ceremonies. After all, isn’t one person’s trash another’s ancient sacred site? Let’s recycle more thoughtfully and make future archaeology really work for their findings!
Source: ‘Incredibly Rare’ Prehistoric Finds May Have Marked Path To Afterlife
