Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
Get ready, folks! In our latest episode of the political theatre, the MAGA kingdom harbors a conviction as steadfast as a two-day old coffee pot: Trump has “already won.” Now, you might be scratching your head, wondering if there was a secret election that only the true believers got the memo for.
But no, it’s just the usual brew of delusion mixed with a strong denial shot, served in the grand illusion café. According to a source familiar with fantasized victories, even if the Supreme Court dismisses Trump’s immunity play, his supporters believe he’s pulled off a political heist for the ages.
The Breakdown
Invisible Ballots from Imaginary Boxes
- You thought your vote counted? Cute. In MAGAworld, there are invisible ballots that only appear when Trump says so. These mystical votes come from enchanted boxes hidden within the realm of “everything’s possible if you just believe.”
Alternative Universe Electoral College
- Who needs the real Electoral College when you can have an alternate one? In Trump’s tailor-made university, every professor (or should I say “professor?”) teaches that Trump’s the eternal dean. Unanimous votes, all in favor of you-know-who.
The Supreme Court as a Reality Show Stage
- Picture this: The Supreme Court, but styled as a reality TV show. Judges aren’t just judges, they’re potential spin-off stars! Each decision isn’t just a ruling; it’s an episode cliffhanger. Will they, won’t they? Tune in for the next thrilling disappointment!
Constitutional Conspiracies for Dummies
- Forget constitutional law as you know it. In this thrilling rewrite, every amendment and statute secretly supports the divine right of Trump. Spoiler Alert: The Founding Fathers were just early draft fans of ‘The Art of the Deal.’
Democracy? More Like Demon-crazy, Am I Right?
- Democracy, shmemocracy. Why bother with all that voting hassle when you can just claim victory at will? It’s like choosing the end of a Choose Your Own Adventure book because you peeked at the last page.
The Counter
Fact-Checker’s Day Off
- Turns out, in MAGAworld, every day is a “no fact-checkers allowed” day. Bring your own facts, or just take the house special: “Everything Trump Says is True.”
Unlimited Terms, Because Reasons
- Why stop at two terms when you can just declare yourself winner for life? Forget pesky elections; if you can dream it, you can be it (President forever, that is).
The Immunity Idol
- In this special edition of ‘Survivor: White House,’ the Trump immunity claim is the ultimate immunity idol. Forget being voted off the island; this idol gets you out of court too!
Make Belief Great Again
- If you can’t make reality work, just make belief. After all, belief is what truly matters when facts are but a mere inconvenience.
Who Needs the Supreme Court When You Have Fan Fiction?
- Legal decisions? Meh. Let’s just replace them with fan fiction. Each verdict comes with a side of what could’ve been, starring Trump as the perennial victor.
The Hot Take
Now, gather ’round the campfire of reason, my fellow sanity savers. As we roast our marshmallows over the dumpster fire that is this belief system, let me offer a novel solution: education—but make it funny. Because if there’s anything that can penetrate the iron shield of willful ignorance, it’s a good laugh.
Let’s teach critical thinking and media literacy, not as a chore but as the greatest comedy show on Earth. We’ll have pop quizzes with impressions of political figures and reality-check bingo. Democracy doesn’t have to be dry; let’s season it with satire and serve it with a side of civic duty that’s too tasty to resist.
There you have it—a comedic twist on the state of our union, where reality is optional and every day is April Fool’s.
Source: ‘We already pulled off the heist’: MAGAworld thinks Trump ‘already won’ even if SCOTUS rejects him
