Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
As we wave a cheery hello to the full, unbridled joy of Brexit, we find Britain caught in the headlights of marauding border checks that do more than just peek into your cargo. Amidst a cacophony of political promises, the Britons are finally tasting the succulent fruits of Brexit, served with a side of bureaucratic slowdown and economic indigestion. Bloomberg’s latest slice on this tragicomedy unwraps the costly layers of border checks now throttling the life out of UK’s trade efficiency and common sense alike.
The Breakdown:
- Stuck in Line: The Brexit Diet Plan
- Costly Decorations: A Red Tape Festival
- Think tinsel and Christmas lights are pretty? Try the dazzling array of new fees and regulations strung across every border. Nothing says “Welcome to Britain!” like a request for three additional forms and a higher transaction fee.
- Think tinsel and Christmas lights are pretty? Try the dazzling array of new fees and regulations strung across every border. Nothing says “Welcome to Britain!” like a request for three additional forms and a higher transaction fee.
- Lost in Translation: Now, What Did That Rule Say?
- Every good nightmare needs incomprehensible rules. The new border protocols seem to have been drafted in the dead of night during a particularly dull bureaucratic dream. Understanding them is like watching a mime explain quantum physics.
- Every good nightmare needs incomprehensible rules. The new border protocols seem to have been drafted in the dead of night during a particularly dull bureaucratic dream. Understanding them is like watching a mime explain quantum physics.
- The Time Traveler’s Import: Yesterday’s Goods Delivered Tomorrow…or Maybe Next Month
- If you miss the good old days, you’ll love how the new import processes bring them back by slowing down the present. Soon, we’ll all be nostalgic for the days when “overnight shipping” was actually a thing.
- If you miss the good old days, you’ll love how the new import processes bring them back by slowing down the present. Soon, we’ll all be nostalgic for the days when “overnight shipping” was actually a thing.
- Who Needs Enemies When You Have Border Policies?
- With friends like these border policies, who needs international rivalries? The new checks are the equivalent of having your nosy neighbor go through your mail—slowly and judiciously—while tut-tutting at your magazine choices.
- With friends like these border policies, who needs international rivalries? The new checks are the equivalent of having your nosy neighbor go through your mail—slowly and judiciously—while tut-tutting at your magazine choices.
The Counter:
- Sure, Delays Are a Growth Industry
- Think of all the jobs created for extra bureaucrats and paper manufacturers! Economic growth will surely skyrocket, mainly due to people buying more calendars to keep track of how long their shipments are stuck.
- Think of all the jobs created for extra bureaucrats and paper manufacturers! Economic growth will surely skyrocket, mainly due to people buying more calendars to keep track of how long their shipments are stuck.
- A Festival of Bureaucracy
- Celebrate the rich tapestry of red tape. Who doesn’t want to spend more quality time filling out forms? It’s therapeutic! Like a spa day for your pens and your patience.
- Celebrate the rich tapestry of red tape. Who doesn’t want to spend more quality time filling out forms? It’s therapeutic! Like a spa day for your pens and your patience.
- Culinary Adventures in Canned Goods
- Thanks to the import delays, Brits can now rediscover the joys of canned food, reminding us all of the delights of a 1950s diet.
- Thanks to the import delays, Brits can now rediscover the joys of canned food, reminding us all of the delights of a 1950s diet.
- Educational Delays
- With every product stuck at the border, think of the educational opportunities in teaching generations the ancient art of patience and zen-like calm amidst chaos.
- With every product stuck at the border, think of the educational opportunities in teaching generations the ancient art of patience and zen-like calm amidst chaos.
- Boost to Local Tourism
- Why travel abroad when you can enjoy a lovely day trip to the customs office? It’s like an amusement park, but the rides are bureaucratic processes and the prize is maybe getting your stuff!
- Why travel abroad when you can enjoy a lovely day trip to the customs office? It’s like an amusement park, but the rides are bureaucratic processes and the prize is maybe getting your stuff!
The Hot Take:
In earnest, if we’re committing to this Brexit carnival, we might as well go full Lewis Carroll. Let’s solve our trade woes with whimsy and maybe a touch of British humor that’s as dry as our newly-tariffed imports. How about floating customs offices? Drones that deliver paperwork? Or just turning the whole affair into a reality show—”The Great British Break Off”?
The ratings would be spectacular, and we might recover some of that lost revenue in advertising. In seriousness, though, maybe it’s time to streamline these processes, negotiate with actual human thoughts in mind, and remember that the best borders are the ones that help us connect, not divide. Let’s not keep making policies that even a satirist can’t improve upon; it’s just too easy.
Source: Britons Finally Taste Full Brexit as Costly Border Checks Begin
