Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
The Details
In the enlightened age where bridges are better known for walls and love letters are confused with pink slips, EU citizens in the UK are finding out that Brexit was more than a vote; it was a RSVP to the party no one wanted to attend. As the UK raises its drawbridge, somewhere in Spain, a light bulb goes on. “Why not treat the Brits the same way?” they muse, swirling their sangria with a twinkle of irony. The tit-for-tat game of international ‘Hot Potato’ is on, and María Ramírez at The Guardian has the play-by-play.
The Breakdown
- Breaking News: Brexit Causes More Breakups Than a Telenovela
It turns out that telling Europeans to skedaddle is as popular as a paella without rice. Britain figured this might keep the house cleaner, but the only thing it’s swept away is good will. Meanwhile, Spain’s scratching its head wondering, “If Britain’s giving Europeans the boot, do we start playing kicking darts with the Brits on the Costa del Sol?” - The Red Carpet Roll-Up
Who knew that the red carpet could be rolled up so fast it turns into a magic flying rug, sans the magic. EU citizens in Britain are feeling less like guests of honor and more like they’ve overstayed a Greek tragedy. - The Spanish Inquisition 2.0: Electric Boogaloo
Spain’s sudden epiphany to reciprocate the cold shoulder could ignite a Eurovision contest of pettiness. Will Spaniards start demanding the British bangers for an early morning fling with the beans in their Full English Breakfast? - The Cost of Living is Apparently Too High in the UK
With Europeans being encouraged to pack their bags, it seems there’s a ‘special’ Brexit blue light sale: on offer is a sense of belonging, previously enjoyed by many, now reduced to clearance item status. - ‘Take Back Control’ Now Also Refers to Party Invites
The UK’s new border policy comes with a cheeky slogan. You thought ‘Take Back Control’ was about sovereignty and fishing rights? Surprise! It’s also about RSVPs to the Isles’ soirée – meticulously tailored to say “You ain’t on the list.”
The Counter
- The Costa del Sol is Actually Dreary in July
Brits abroad might just be mistaking the Spanish sun for a giant tanning bulb—so naturally, when they receive their eviction notices, they’ll understand it as urging them to prevent sunburns. - God Save the Queues!
Let’s hail the British queues—never has standing in line been so patriotic. If Spanish queues start to rival the lines at the London Eye, surely Brits will feel that sweet comfort of home, right? - Brexit, A Love Story
Like any good romance, it starts with drama and a dramatic exit. Spain taking a leaf out of that book would just be writing fan fiction, no? - Spanish Tapas to Include Union Jack Crisps
To add a touch of British flavour, tapas bars could consider Union Jack crisps—a snack to remind the Brits that homesickness goes great with a side of sarcasm. - Expats are the New Imports
Who knew expats could be a part of the trade negotiations? Buy one, get one free, and with every two expats, you get a delightful jar of Marmite.
The Hot Take
Listen up, tea aficionados and paella partisans! It’s time for some cross-channel camaraderie served up with a slice of humble pie. The UK might think it’s hit the jackpot by tightening its belts and borders, but the only thing it’s doing faster than reducing its European friends is the collective rolling of eyes. Let’s prescribe the UK a generous dose of empathy, spoon-fed with the golden spoon of reciprocity. Instead of being the sullen host that cancels the house party, the UK could offer a continental olive branch: work permits served with tea, perhaps? Or, if that’s too British, maybe just not ejecting people who’ve been paying taxes and lifting pints with them for decades. That’s a start, huh? Toss in a ‘Sorry for the inconvenience’ card and we might just avoid international passive-aggressiveness escalating to a diplomacy duel at dawn.
