Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
It seems the powers that be in Prince George’s County have hit upon a groundbreaking solution to manage unruly teenagers at National Harbor: a curfew. Because nothing says ‘modern governance’ like a policy ripped straight from the 1950s playbook of child rearing. The officials have decided that imposing a time limit on fun is the best way to keep the peace, because nothing bad ever happens before 10 PM, right?
The Breakdown
- Curfews are Cool, Period.
- Apparently, the county officials have decided to turn back time, implementing a parental move on a grand scale. Want to stop youths from causing trouble? Just tell them when they need to be home. It’s not like teenagers have any creativity to circumvent rules, right?
- Apparently, the county officials have decided to turn back time, implementing a parental move on a grand scale. Want to stop youths from causing trouble? Just tell them when they need to be home. It’s not like teenagers have any creativity to circumvent rules, right?
- Youth Problems Solved Overnight!
- By forcing teens to be indoors by 10 PM on weekends, we’ve magically solved all youth-related issues. No more vandalism, no loitering, absolutely zero teen mischief. Problematic teenagers simply vanish into the ether, thanks to the curfew wand.
- By forcing teens to be indoors by 10 PM on weekends, we’ve magically solved all youth-related issues. No more vandalism, no loitering, absolutely zero teen mischief. Problematic teenagers simply vanish into the ether, thanks to the curfew wand.
- Tourism Flourishes Under Strict Supervision!
- Modern Problems Require Retro Solutions!
- In the age of digital innovation and complex societal issues, Prince George’s County bravely rejects modernity and opts for an old-school approach. Why tackle complicated social problems when you can just enforce bedtime?
- In the age of digital innovation and complex societal issues, Prince George’s County bravely rejects modernity and opts for an old-school approach. Why tackle complicated social problems when you can just enforce bedtime?
- Teenagers Totally Agree With This!
- Surprisingly, all teenagers interviewed were enthusiastic about the curfew, expressing joy at the chance to get home early and catch up on their reading. It’s as if teenagers in National Harbor have no desire for independence or social lives.
- Surprisingly, all teenagers interviewed were enthusiastic about the curfew, expressing joy at the chance to get home early and catch up on their reading. It’s as if teenagers in National Harbor have no desire for independence or social lives.
The Counter
- Let’s Install Bedtime Stories Instead!
- Since we’re embracing age-old solutions, why not go all the way? Implement a county-wide bedtime story hour. Guaranteed to keep the youth morally centered and in their homes!
- Since we’re embracing age-old solutions, why not go all the way? Implement a county-wide bedtime story hour. Guaranteed to keep the youth morally centered and in their homes!
- How About a Magic Bubble?
- If curfews are good, a magic bubble would be better. Encase National Harbor in a transparent, unbreakable bubble after sunset. No one gets in, no one gets out. Perfect solution!
- If curfews are good, a magic bubble would be better. Encase National Harbor in a transparent, unbreakable bubble after sunset. No one gets in, no one gets out. Perfect solution!
- Teenagers Love Arbitrary Rules!
- Nothing makes a teen happier than arbitrary rules imposed without consultation. It fosters a deep respect for authority, leading to a well-adjusted adult life, or so the fairy tales tell us.
- Nothing makes a teen happier than arbitrary rules imposed without consultation. It fosters a deep respect for authority, leading to a well-adjusted adult life, or so the fairy tales tell us.
- Economic Boost via Curfew Fines!
- Think about the economic stimulation courtesy of all those fines collected from curfew breakers. It’s practically a self-funding government program!
- Think about the economic stimulation courtesy of all those fines collected from curfew breakers. It’s practically a self-funding government program!
- Permanent Daylight Savings!
- If darkness is the problem, let’s just eliminate night. Keep it daylight all the time. Problem solved. Who needs stars, anyway?
- If darkness is the problem, let’s just eliminate night. Keep it daylight all the time. Problem solved. Who needs stars, anyway?
The Hot Take
In the grand tradition of solving complex issues with a band-aid, Prince George’s County’s curfew is a masterstroke of simplicity. But here’s a hotter take: If we really want to keep teenagers out of trouble, maybe we invest in more engaging activities rather than barriers. More arts, sports, and youth forums might be a great start. Teenagers engaged in what interests them tend to derail the mischief train before it leaves the station.
However, let’s not get carried away with practical solutions when we can live in the nostalgic bliss of curfew bells and early bedtimes. Next up, why not reintroduce soda fountains and poodle skirts to complete the ambiance? It’s about making National Harbor not just safer, but also about a hundred years older, culturally speaking.
Prince George’s County might be on to something here, or maybe, just maybe, we need a little more creativity in tackling teen issues.
Source: Prince George’s County imposes curfew for youths at National Harbor
