Estimated reading time: 3 minutes
Oh boy, just when you thought college campuses were just about overdue essays, midnight pizza runs, and trying to find a clean pair of socks, here comes the high-octane drama! Protesters and police decided to turn the University of Texas into their own personal WrestleMania over the Israel-Hamas conflict. Because, you know, what better way to solve Middle Eastern geopolitical strife than a good old-fashioned shouting match between American college kids and cops in Texas?
The Breakdown
- Creative Use of Campus Facilities
- Let’s be honest, who needs a lecture hall when you’ve got the great outdoors of a college campus to use as a stage for public dissent? Forget about quiet study areas, it’s time for megaphones and poster boards! How else will everyone realize the gravity of international conflicts?
- Let’s be honest, who needs a lecture hall when you’ve got the great outdoors of a college campus to use as a stage for public dissent? Forget about quiet study areas, it’s time for megaphones and poster boards! How else will everyone realize the gravity of international conflicts?
- Every Protest Needs Good Props
- Signs, banners, and the occasional smoke bomb—because nothing says ‘peaceful protest’ like a bit of theatrical smoke. It’s all about the optics, folks. Just imagine the Instagram potential!
- Signs, banners, and the occasional smoke bomb—because nothing says ‘peaceful protest’ like a bit of theatrical smoke. It’s all about the optics, folks. Just imagine the Instagram potential!
- Who Invited The Police?
- Oh, and it wouldn’t be a party without the boys in blue, right? The police just had to join in with their batons and riot gear. Honestly, it was probably just their way of saying, “Can you keep it down? Some of us are trying to ignore systemic issues in peace!”
- Oh, and it wouldn’t be a party without the boys in blue, right? The police just had to join in with their batons and riot gear. Honestly, it was probably just their way of saying, “Can you keep it down? Some of us are trying to ignore systemic issues in peace!”
- Dialogue? Who Needs It!
- Why waste time on dialogue or understanding when you can just yell slogans at each other across a police barricade? Negotiation and conversation are so last century. This is 2024, people. Loud noises solve everything!
- Why waste time on dialogue or understanding when you can just yell slogans at each other across a police barricade? Negotiation and conversation are so last century. This is 2024, people. Loud noises solve everything!
- Media Frenzy: Feeding Time
- And then there’s the media, ever eager to turn a complex international issue into sound bites and sensational headlines. Because who wants nuanced discussion when you can have catchphrases and viral tweets?
- And then there’s the media, ever eager to turn a complex international issue into sound bites and sensational headlines. Because who wants nuanced discussion when you can have catchphrases and viral tweets?
The Counter
- Quiet Contemplation Over Loud Confrontation
- Imagine, just for a second, students engaging in quiet reflection. Too boring? Probably. It’s way cooler to see them taking part in a clash that’s sure to solve nothing.
- Imagine, just for a second, students engaging in quiet reflection. Too boring? Probably. It’s way cooler to see them taking part in a clash that’s sure to solve nothing.
- What If the Police Brought Cookies Instead?
- Ah, what a missed opportunity for a campus-wide bake sale. Imagine swapping tear gas for sugar rushes. Police handing out cookies might not solve international crises, but hey, it’s a start.
- Ah, what a missed opportunity for a campus-wide bake sale. Imagine swapping tear gas for sugar rushes. Police handing out cookies might not solve international crises, but hey, it’s a start.
- Dialogue: An Antiquated Concept?
- Crazy thought, but maybe — just maybe — talking could help. But why bother when misunderstood shouting matches and Tweets can poorly explain complex foreign policies with ease?
- Crazy thought, but maybe — just maybe — talking could help. But why bother when misunderstood shouting matches and Tweets can poorly explain complex foreign policies with ease?
- Less Media, More Meditation
- Let’s cut the media coverage and instead hand out meditation guides. Replace headlines with headspaces because clarity begins with a calm mind, not a front-page scoop.
- Let’s cut the media coverage and instead hand out meditation guides. Replace headlines with headspaces because clarity begins with a calm mind, not a front-page scoop.
- The Real Protest: Boring Classes
- Perhaps students could refocus some of that protest energy into lamenting the real tragedy here: morning classes and finals. But that’s probably less glamorous than international affairs.
- Perhaps students could refocus some of that protest energy into lamenting the real tragedy here: morning classes and finals. But that’s probably less glamorous than international affairs.
The Hot Take
Now, for the pièce de résistance — my liberal hot take to just fix everything. Let’s solve all Middle Eastern geopolitical problems by hosting a giant dodgeball match between world leaders on live TV. Loser has to adopt renewable energy first or something equally planet-saving. You laugh, but if you think about it, it makes about as much sense as solving it through campus protests in Texas, right?
Source: Israel-Hamas war protesters and police clash on Texas campus
