Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
You know what really grinds my gears? It isn’t just the sound of someone loudly chewing or people who stand still on escalators (though, both are close). No, it’s the outright audacious price of insulin. It’s so costly, I’m beginning to think bottles of insulin must be cured, distilled, and bottled by angst-ridden elves under moonlight. Why else would a vial cost more than a night at the opera?
Now, President Biden is waving the Insulin Cost Reduction banner—a key campaign issue, by the way. It’s as if he suddenly found the GPS coordinates to the moral high ground. And frankly, about time! But let’s unpack this, shall we? Considering insulin has been around since, oh, 1921, it’s less like discovering penicillin and more like rediscovering your car keys in a drawer.
The price of insulin in the United States is like checking the price tag on a Porsche when you were just looking for a Prius. You know you need a car, but at those prices, you’ll start considering a skateboard. Moreover, comparing the U.S. prices to the rest of the world, you realize Americans are not just paying for a drug but also subsidizing a giant, invisible “kick me” sign on their backs.
Can we talk about how insulin, a life-saving necessity, costs less to make than your average fast-food combo? The production cost is around $5 a vial. Yeah, you heard me. That’s less than a craft beer at your local bar or a latte sprinkled with environmentally conscious fairy dust at the trendy place down the street. However, patients in the U.S. are footing bills that would make even a monopoly man blush.
And what’s this I hear about insulin companies putting the squeeze on pricing? They’re hiking up prices like it’s a sport and their drug is climbing Mount Everest. We’ve got three main manufacturers who are more synchronized than an Olympic swim team when it comes to these price hikes. Dare to dream about a world where your pancreas doesn’t hold your wallet hostage.
Enter Joe Biden, riding in like a knight in somewhat tarnished armor, advocating for a cap on insulin prices to $35. Sounds great, doesn’t it? Until you realize that it’s only for Medicare users. What about the rest of us? Are the rest supposed to fend for ourselves in the wild-west of pharmaceuticals, using insulin pens as literal stick-em-up weapons?
These drug prices don’t just add up, they multiply like rabbits! If you’re a diabetic in America, you better have a good job with fantastic insurance, a backup job, and maybe rob a bank—just kidding, don’t rob a bank, folks. Or at least, negotiate with your pancreas if it decides to go rogue on you.
Now, as a comedian, you’d think I’d find a punchline here. But, trust me, the only thing getting punched is the collective gut of every diabetic when they see their pharmacy bill.
We could make insulin available at every corner store, next to the chewing gum and tabloid magazines, for what it costs. But no, instead, we have a system where you need to give your first-born and maybe even throw in a blood oath for good measure, just to afford a month’s supply.
It’s high time to stop treating essential medication as luxury items. Diamonds might be forever, but so is diabetes. Let’s treat it with a bit more humanity, and a bit less like an elite status symbol. Because unless that vial of insulin comes with a complimentary yacht, there’s no reason for it to cost more than your monthly rent.
