The Guardian reports Omar’s lawyers seek property back and preservation of any search recordings. DOJ says its “attorneys and law enforcement partners complied with all court orders and legal obligations, as they always do”.

Enter our imaginary witness: As Always. It does not need to watch an event to be confident about it. It has something better, apparently: a permanent appointment to confirm that everything went as it should.

Counsel asks what happened during this particular search. As Always begins describing its excellent character. Counsel asks about the instructions. As Always offers a reference from itself. Counsel asks whether a general assurance establishes compliance in a disputed event. As Always appears offended by the word particular.

The real search’s legality remains contested. The fictional witness, however, would like the argument settled on the strength of its impeccable attendance record in official statements.

This is the beautiful efficiency of a self-certifying phrase. A recording has to capture an event. A witness has to recall one. As Always only has to arrive after a comma and radiate institutional confidence.

Please preserve any search recordings. The adverb has already preserved its opinion.