England’s water companies have earned 16 out of a possible 36 environmental stars. If your child brought that report card home, a 36% increase in pocket money would be an unusual response.

Water customers are making different arrangements. Their bills are expected to rise by that average amount between 2025 and 2030 to fund improvements.

Eight of England’s nine companies were rated poor or requiring improvement in the first joint assessment by the regulators, the BBC reports. Four regulators contributed. The industry can’t even ask to be graded by a more generous teacher.

Some £5 billion has already gone toward tackling environmental pollution over five years. The Environment Agency says some companies haven’t delivered improvements they were funded to make. The dog ate the homework, but the direct debit survived.

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Tighter standards partly explain the record-low star total. Water UK also says blockages or vandalism caused more than half of pollution incidents, and argues investment needs time. That is a reasonable reason to discuss timelines. It is a less satisfying thing to contemplate beside a polluted river.

Drinking water remains among the world’s best, and supply disruptions have fallen. The industry can point to an encouraging skill: some of the water goes where it’s supposed to.

The companies have an improvement plan. Customers have a payment plan. Only one of these seems to come with firm expectations.