Parody adverse-effects bulletin: California’s electric-car rebate has encountered actual customers. Officials seeking a program that produces only a press conference should consult a different government.

Reuters reports California says nearly 12,000 residents bought EVs using its new state-and-automaker-funded rebate program. Overall EV sales remain down as federal incentives have been removed. Uptake is not proof that every purchase was caused by the rebate, or that the wider decline has reversed.

In our imaginary examination room, the rebate is asked why it has not single-handedly cured the entire market. It explains that it is a state program, not a replacement federal government. The doctor marks this down as a poor attitude toward scalability.

The Daily Heckler: five or six selected stories.
Political satire for your morning inbox.

The fictional evaluation panel proposes a rigorous test: count every remaining problem against the treatment, but exclude everyone who used it. Those patients are contaminated by having received help.

What would satisfy the panel? No customers, obviously. Then everyone could agree the program had achieved nothing, a result that travels much more comfortably between political systems.

Discharge instructions: discontinue treatment until the patient qualifies as evidence against it.

Related reading: Tesla’s Fun Meter Has Outvoted The Safety Meter · Colorado’s Gas Stove Would Like To Be A Founding Father