G20 Cannot Agree To Stand There For Three Seconds

Marco Rubio canceled the traditional G20 foreign ministers’ group photograph in Atlanta after about a third of the countries at the talks refused to appear with Russian representatives. The meeting itself went ahead, with the US secretary of state appealing for unity.

An unfortunate opening for a unity meeting. Before negotiating anything, the hosts had to abandon the part where everybody stands still and nobody has to say a word.

Not a treaty. Not an arms agreement. A rectangle.

The UK, Australia and European officials objected to appearing alongside Russia while its war in Ukraine continues. This was not a dispute about who got the flattering side of the riser. Germany’s foreign minister said there was “no normality with Russia.” Australia’s Penny Wong condemned the invasion during the meeting, in front of Sergei Lavrov.

You can see the difficulty for the organizers. The traditional photograph is meant to suggest that the international community has come together. The international community had come together and immediately requested separate photographs.

Could we perhaps try landscape mode? No? What if Russia stands at the end and everyone else leans toward Portugal?

Rubio pulled the plug on the picture. Sensible enough once a third of your group has declined to become promotional material. The trouble is that the canceled photograph has now become a much more informative photograph than the photograph would have been.

The empty space contains a surprisingly detailed account of the meeting.

And then there is the guest list. Oh, the guest list.

US officials said Ukraine had not been invited because this year’s gathering was for formal members. Poland, which is not a member, attended as a guest with US support for its membership ambitions. South Africa, which helped found the G20 and is its only African country, was not invited.

I beg your pardon. May I see the membership card again? Apparently it works like one of those hotel keycards that opens your room, fails to open the lift and somehow lets a man from another hotel into the executive lounge.

Members only, except for the nonmember we invited. Existing members welcome, except for the founding member we didn't. Please ask the gentleman at the rope whether your country is currently a country we mean.

Who is running this door? Is the G20 a diplomatic institution or a nightclub where the bouncer recognizes your shoes?

Russia opposes Poland joining. South Africa says its absence is not voluntary. Participants told reporters the disagreements would probably prevent a joint communiqué, though the talks were still continuing when the report was published.

A communiqué is the written version of the photograph: everybody agrees to fit inside the same space without knocking anyone over. At this stage, perhaps the organizers should aim for a mutually acceptable receipt for the coffee.

We are supposed to be coordinating responses to interconnected global crises, and the seating chart has developed its own foreign policy.

But next month’s leaders’ summit in Florida is still ahead, and participants said they would work to make it a success. Excellent. There is time to prepare. Charge the camera. Check the batteries. Find out whether membership confers admission or merely improves your chances at the fucking rope.

Then take the picture before anybody asks who's in the group.