Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
The Details
So here’s the scoop, folks. Texas, the Lone Star State, the land where everything’s bigger, including the disasters, recently played host to a barbecue of biblical proportions—but without the invite and all the fun. We’re not talking about smoking some briskets but rather the wildfires that have swept through, turning ranches into charcoal sketches.
According to the enlightening article I stumbled upon between bouts of yelling at the TV, the farmers and ranchers have put on their best cowboy boots to wade through a pile of ashes that used to be their profits. They’ve got a road to recovery ahead that’s longer than a filibuster on C-SPAN, and let me tell ya, it’s about as entertaining as watching paint burn.
The Breakdown
- Oh, it’s Just a Flesh Wound: Remember the Monty Python guy who keeps saying it’s just a scratch as his limbs are lobbed off? Texas ranchers are serving some serious Black Knight vibes, insisting they’ll bounce back as they juggle bankruptcy papers and watering cans.
- Climate Who?: Apparently, the weather’s gone haywire, and nobody has a clue why. Nah, it couldn’t possibly be that pesky little thing called climate change. Texas ranchers are thinking of sacrificing a Ford pickup to the weather gods for a gentle rain.
- Insurance Shminsurance: Insurance companies are probably on their knees praying, hoping ranchers have forgotten page 394 subsection D that clearly states coverage is void if fire is hotter than the devil’s kitchen.
- It’s Raining Ash, Hallelujah: Some folks are so upbeat, you’d think they enjoy their land getting a Pompeii makeover. It’s the hot new trend! Forget fertile soil; ash is the new black in Texas agriculture.
- Nature’s Barbecue Gone Wild: The barbecue wasn’t supposed to include the fence posts and barn doors, but hey, smoky flavor is all the rage. And who doesn’t love the scent of burnt livelihood in the morning?
The Counter
- Smoke Detectors as a Service: Surely, someone could’ve put a ring of smoke detectors around the farms. When one goes off, they could all enjoy a communal, “Whew! Not my farm this time.”
- There’s an App for That: We have apps for everything right? Where’s the one for predicting wildfires or at least an app that’ll blow the fire in the other direction? I’m sure Elon’s working on it.
- Water Gun Fight!: Instead of getting out the good china for a benefit dinner, let’s hand out Super Soakers and hold the world’s biggest water fight. Winner gets an intact ranch.
- Blessing in Disguise: Think of all the new jobs created. Ash artist? Charcoal food critic? The economy will be smokin’!
- Do It For the Gram: If it wasn’t on Instagram, did it even happen? Farmers could’ve at least gotten some epic selfies with the approaching inferno. Hashtag FireChaser!
The Hot Take
Here’s the thing—Mother Nature turned Texas into a toast, and not the good kind you get with avocado on top. But what do we do? Stand up comic-style: we joke, we exaggerate, and then we get real. You want a liberal hot take?
Let’s sprinkle some renewable energy on it like fairy dust, add a dash of climate policy that’s more solid than a chocolate teapot, and garnish with a commitment to not build houses in areas that are basically kindling.
Boom, you’ve got yourself a Texas-sized problem with a green-hued solution. So grab your green cowboy hat in place of that ten-gallon fossil fuel hugger, saddle up your Teslas, and let’s wrangle up some social responsibility, because apparently, leaving it to the oil tycoons is akin to giving a toddler a flamethrower and asking him to ‘play nice.’
Source: Texas farmers and ranchers see long road of recovery ahead after devastating wildfiresZ
