Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
As if Tennessee wasn’t already a tapestry rich with the yarns of country music ballads and tales of love that tread beyond the beaten path, the latest move by legislators aims to ensure that family trees maintain separate branches. Imagine my stinted surprise when I found out they’re considering a bill that would ban marriage between close relatives. Seems they finally dusted off the old law book after Aunt Betty brought her famous potato salad—and her son—to the last family reunion as her plus-one.
The Breakdown:
- The ‘Keep It Out of The Family’ Act:
- Apparently, Tennessee has decided that “kissin’ cousins” was more than just a quirky saying and have introduced legislation to ban nuptials if you’ve shared a Christmas stocking. The legislative prowess it must take to finally separate family reunions from dating pools is deeply underrated.
- Apparently, Tennessee has decided that “kissin’ cousins” was more than just a quirky saying and have introduced legislation to ban nuptials if you’ve shared a Christmas stocking. The legislative prowess it must take to finally separate family reunions from dating pools is deeply underrated.
- Law vs. Love? More Like “Love, Actually… Not”
- The bill’s proponents must have watched one too many holiday romcoms and decided close-knit families are so 1800s. I mean, if precedent has taught us anything, it’s that the heart wants what it wants, even if that heart shares a similar genetic code.
- The bill’s proponents must have watched one too many holiday romcoms and decided close-knit families are so 1800s. I mean, if precedent has taught us anything, it’s that the heart wants what it wants, even if that heart shares a similar genetic code.
- Gene Pool Lifeguard on Duty:
- Kudos to those policymakers for taking on the role of the gene pool lifeguards, making sure the genetic waters stay distinct and not too muddied. I’m sure it’s a relief for the entirety of human evolution to know Tennessee’s got this covered.
- Kudos to those policymakers for taking on the role of the gene pool lifeguards, making sure the genetic waters stay distinct and not too muddied. I’m sure it’s a relief for the entirety of human evolution to know Tennessee’s got this covered.
- Bloodlines or Breadlines?
- The bill claims concerns of genetic abnormalities, but perhaps it’s a sly move to redirect affections outside your zip code. After all, broadening horizons serve double: less awkward family gatherings and a boost to the local economy when you have to date at least two towns over.
- The bill claims concerns of genetic abnormalities, but perhaps it’s a sly move to redirect affections outside your zip code. After all, broadening horizons serve double: less awkward family gatherings and a boost to the local economy when you have to date at least two towns over.
- Education or Legislation?
- It’s inspiring to see legislative time poured into addressing the romantic nuances of consanguinity, rivaled only by Shakespearean dramas. Why invest in education when you can legislate who you say “I do” to, based on a family tree chart?
- It’s inspiring to see legislative time poured into addressing the romantic nuances of consanguinity, rivaled only by Shakespearean dramas. Why invest in education when you can legislate who you say “I do” to, based on a family tree chart?
The Counter:
- Don’t Fence Me In:
- If love isn’t supposed to know bounds, then this bill builds a pretty peculiar fence. Maybe it’s not about the boundaries one must maintain, but the observance of a good ol’ fashioned family circle dance.
- If love isn’t supposed to know bounds, then this bill builds a pretty peculiar fence. Maybe it’s not about the boundaries one must maintain, but the observance of a good ol’ fashioned family circle dance.
- Saving Face(book):
- For all those faced with the dilemma of changing their relationship status from ‘It’s Complicated’ to ‘Incestuous’, this bill saves you the trouble (and the therapy bills). Election year or mass face-saving propaganda strategy? You decide.
- For all those faced with the dilemma of changing their relationship status from ‘It’s Complicated’ to ‘Incestuous’, this bill saves you the trouble (and the therapy bills). Election year or mass face-saving propaganda strategy? You decide.
- Banjos vs. Ballots:
- If the sound of dueling banjos now seems less like a scene from “Deliverance” and more like the prelude to a forbidden romance, never fear. The Tennessee legislature has swapped banjos for ballots in a legislative crusade against ancestral amour.
- If the sound of dueling banjos now seems less like a scene from “Deliverance” and more like the prelude to a forbidden romance, never fear. The Tennessee legislature has swapped banjos for ballots in a legislative crusade against ancestral amour.
- The Heart (or Genome) Wants What It Wants:
- To everyone crafting their direct-to-DNA dating apps: you’re now superfluous. Think of the investments wasted, the swiping based on a favorable genetic marker—it’s all the superhighway to solitude.
- To everyone crafting their direct-to-DNA dating apps: you’re now superfluous. Think of the investments wasted, the swiping based on a favorable genetic marker—it’s all the superhighway to solitude.
- Nature vs. Legislation:
- Did evolution get it wrong? Did natural selection drop the ball? Fear not, for lawmakers are here to give Darwin a helping hand—or maybe tie his hands behind his back, depending on how you look at it.
- Did evolution get it wrong? Did natural selection drop the ball? Fear not, for lawmakers are here to give Darwin a helping hand—or maybe tie his hands behind his back, depending on how you look at it.
The Hot Take:
The solution to this deep-rooted entanglement isn’t another law; it’s education, people. Let’s get cheeky with those DNA kits—not just to find out if you’re 5% Irish, but to make sure your sweetheart isn’t also secretly your third cousin twice removed.
Maybe a slogan could help too: “Branch out, it’s not just for trees anymore.” Tennessee, I propose a toast (but not for the newlyweds) to education, awareness, and maybe a little bit of genetic counseling humor—because who doesn’t find a Punnett square to have comedic potential?
Source: No more kissin’ cousins: Tennessee bill would ban marriage between close relatives
