Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
In the never-ending soap opera that is American politics, we’re onto the latest rerun with a plot twist so familiar, it’s like the writers are just phoning it in at this point. Our protagonist—or antagonist, depending on your allegiance—Donald Trump has been told in no uncertain terms by a judge that he can’t just press pause on a civil trial to have a rendezvous with the Supreme Court. The ongoing judiciary ballet leaves us both exhausted and amused, with Mr. Trump attempting to dance between lawsuits with the grace of an elephant on roller skates.
The Breakdown:
- Can’t Touch This—Court Edition
- Apparently, Donald believes that there’s a VIP express lane in the judicial system just for former presidents. Spoiler alert: there isn’t. A judge made it crystal clear that even the allure of the Supremes’ (no, not Diana Ross and co.) grand stage isn’t enough for a hall pass out of this one.
- Apparently, Donald believes that there’s a VIP express lane in the judicial system just for former presidents. Spoiler alert: there isn’t. A judge made it crystal clear that even the allure of the Supremes’ (no, not Diana Ross and co.) grand stage isn’t enough for a hall pass out of this one.
- Supreme Dodging Like a Boss
- In what could be mistaken for an attempt at a high score in legal dodgeball, Trump aimed to deflect this trial in favor of a potential Supreme Court hearing. I mean, why deal with the pesky lower courts when you can aim for the stars—judge stars, that is?
- In what could be mistaken for an attempt at a high score in legal dodgeball, Trump aimed to deflect this trial in favor of a potential Supreme Court hearing. I mean, why deal with the pesky lower courts when you can aim for the stars—judge stars, that is?
- Delay Tactics: The Art of the Stall
- The master of buying time, Trump uses delay tactics like they’re going out of style. If court delays were currency, Trump would be the Federal Reserve. Yet, this time the bank is closed, folks, and the teller is not amused.
- The master of buying time, Trump uses delay tactics like they’re going out of style. If court delays were currency, Trump would be the Federal Reserve. Yet, this time the bank is closed, folks, and the teller is not amused.
- The Teflon Don Slips Up
- It turns out, the Teflon is finally showing some scratches. With a judge refusing to let him slip away from his civil trial, it seems like some sticky legal battles are ahead. Is it me, or is it getting a little hot in the judiciary kitchen?
- It turns out, the Teflon is finally showing some scratches. With a judge refusing to let him slip away from his civil trial, it seems like some sticky legal battles are ahead. Is it me, or is it getting a little hot in the judiciary kitchen?
- The Invincible Trump…Not So Bulletproof
- In a stunning turn of events that shocked absolutely nobody, it turns out Trump isn’t as invincible as he’s led us to believe. A civil trial waits for no one, not even the man with the most infamous comb-over in history.
- In a stunning turn of events that shocked absolutely nobody, it turns out Trump isn’t as invincible as he’s led us to believe. A civil trial waits for no one, not even the man with the most infamous comb-over in history.
The Counter:
- The Magician’s Apprentice Takes a Smoke Break
- You’ve got to appreciate the effort to pull a disappearing act with the hopes that everyone just forgets about the trial. Let’s take a moment of silence for the illusion that didn’t quite execute.
- You’ve got to appreciate the effort to pull a disappearing act with the hopes that everyone just forgets about the trial. Let’s take a moment of silence for the illusion that didn’t quite execute.
- “Your Honor, I Have a Note From My Doctor”
- It’s like trying to get out of gym class all over again, but this time, the Supreme Court is the overzealous gym teacher saying, “Nice try, run laps.”
- It’s like trying to get out of gym class all over again, but this time, the Supreme Court is the overzealous gym teacher saying, “Nice try, run laps.”
- Executive Privilege or Executive Delusion?
- Who knew that ‘Executive Privilege’ was not the Get Out of Jail Free card it was once touted as? Looks like Monopoly rules don’t apply in real courts, and you can’t just build hotels on Boardwalk and call it a day.
- Who knew that ‘Executive Privilege’ was not the Get Out of Jail Free card it was once touted as? Looks like Monopoly rules don’t apply in real courts, and you can’t just build hotels on Boardwalk and call it a day.
- Presidential Immunity Shots: Low Efficacy
- It’s flu season, and the immunity shots given to past Presidents seem to have a diminishing effect. Side effects may include actually having to show up in court.
- It’s flu season, and the immunity shots given to past Presidents seem to have a diminishing effect. Side effects may include actually having to show up in court.
- The Calendar Conundrum: So Much Court, So Little Time
- In the ultimate scheduling conflict, it seems the calendar gods aren’t smiling upon Mr. Trump. Maybe it’s time to invest in a planner—or better yet, a time machine.
- In the ultimate scheduling conflict, it seems the calendar gods aren’t smiling upon Mr. Trump. Maybe it’s time to invest in a planner—or better yet, a time machine.
The Hot Take:
Listen up, folks, because here comes the steamy, freshly-brewed hot take that will solve all our problems: How about we stop treating the courtroom like an exclusive nightclub where only the rich and powerful get to the front of the line?
I say we implement a ‘justice turnstile’ that spins everyone through at the same rate, regardless of their bank account or number of Twitter followers. Let’s give ‘accountability’ a standing ovation and make it the star of the show. And hey, if the courtroom drama takes a hit in the ratings without its celebrity appearances, so be it. I hear reruns of “Judge Judy” pack more punch anyway.
The art of sarcasm isn’t lost, folks. It’s alive and well, serving up a side dish of humor with our daily dose of courtroom drama. So, as the gavel drops on today’s episode, remember, in the courts of justice, everyone is supposed to play by the same rules—even the ones with their own former hit TV shows.
Source: Trump Can’t Skip Trial for Supreme Court Hearing, Judge Says
