Estimated reading time: 3 minutes
Who knew that Congress could yet be thirsty after all that apparent drowning in the lobbyists’ cash pool? Well, Politico, in a stroke of what can only be termed jestful journalism, serves up a gulp from the Capitol’s finest collection of parched legislators in their latest article. It’s a roll-call of the decidedly media-hungry, cyberspace overpopulators who seem to have their tweets auto-scheduled more diligently than their town hall meetings.
The Breakdown
- The Everlasting Gobstopper of Tweets
- One legislator mentioned must have digital calluses from all the tweeting. It’s like their ego gets a Wi-Fi boost every time they hit send. This person believes in quantity over quality, which explains a lot more than just their social media strategy.
- One legislator mentioned must have digital calluses from all the tweeting. It’s like their ego gets a Wi-Fi boost every time they hit send. This person believes in quantity over quality, which explains a lot more than just their social media strategy.
- The YouTube Yoga Guru
- Ironically, couldn’t be more inflexible if they tried. They’ve patented a political stretch so synonymous, you’d think they were trying to sneak into Cirque du Soleil. Possibly the only person who can rehearse a speech in downward dog.
- Ironically, couldn’t be more inflexible if they tried. They’ve patented a political stretch so synonymous, you’d think they were trying to sneak into Cirque du Soleil. Possibly the only person who can rehearse a speech in downward dog.
- Podcast Pandemonium
- One member has a voice designed specifically to resonate in empty congressional halls – and now, podcasts. They’ve guest-starred on more episodes than there are filibusters, discussing topics from their very “crucial” breakfast choices to their “vital” haircut appointments.
- One member has a voice designed specifically to resonate in empty congressional halls – and now, podcasts. They’ve guest-starred on more episodes than there are filibusters, discussing topics from their very “crucial” breakfast choices to their “vital” haircut appointments.
- The Selfie Syndrome
- Watch out! If a bill doesn’t pass, they’ll photograph themselves with it to boost its self-esteem. The only problem? They’re more focused on finding the right Instagram filter than the right legislative filters.
- Watch out! If a bill doesn’t pass, they’ll photograph themselves with it to boost its self-esteem. The only problem? They’re more focused on finding the right Instagram filter than the right legislative filters.
- The Filibuster Fashionista
- Appears on Capitol Hill more concerned with their wardrobe than the wording of the law. If there’s a press conference, you can bet they’ll filibuster just to highlight their latest wardrobe acquisition.
- Appears on Capitol Hill more concerned with their wardrobe than the wording of the law. If there’s a press conference, you can bet they’ll filibuster just to highlight their latest wardrobe acquisition.
The Counter
- The Tweet Deleter
- Maybe we’re too hard on the Tweet storm; after all, how else are they going to communicate? Smoke signals?
- Maybe we’re too hard on the Tweet storm; after all, how else are they going to communicate? Smoke signals?
- The Silent Meditator
- Perhaps the flex on YouTube is a cry for a quiet place away from the hustle of the Hill… or just a really public way to nap.
- Perhaps the flex on YouTube is a cry for a quiet place away from the hustle of the Hill… or just a really public way to nap.
- The Secret Listener
- With all this podcast hosting, when do they find time to listen? Oh, that’s right—during others’ speeches.
- With all this podcast hosting, when do they find time to listen? Oh, that’s right—during others’ speeches.
- The Old School Portraitist
- Let’s give a moment for classic painting—because apparently, time’s what we have if there’s always time for a selfie.
- Let’s give a moment for classic painting—because apparently, time’s what we have if there’s always time for a selfie.
- The Style-Agnostic
- Maybe the wardrobe wars are just a misunderstood charity drive for retired congressional neckties.
- Maybe the wardrobe wars are just a misunderstood charity drive for retired congressional neckties.
The Hot Take
Oh, the humanity! Or the lack thereof in our political theater currently masquerading as governance. Could the solution be any more clear? For every social media post these politicos make, they commit to passing one piece of meaningful legislation that doesn’t just serve their star-ridden eyes but actually garners some real water for their constituents’ wells. I suggest a reality show, “Capitol Hill – Unplugged”, where all electronic devices are banned. Let’s see how many bills get passed when the only thing left to do is work! Who’s thirsty now?
Crank up the satire, toss in a generous helping of cynicism, and voila, you’ve got yourself a political commentary that not only entertains but might just accidentally inspire a thought or two. And is there a better way to drink up the absurdity that is Capitol gourmet? I think not.
Source: The Thirstiest Members of Congress Are Back for More
