Boeing Executives Engage in Evasive Aerobatics at Congressional Hearings

Estimated reading time: 6 minutes

Ladies and gentlemen, fasten your seatbelts and put your tray tables up, because we’re about to dive into a day that was more turbulent than a cross-Atlantic flight on a budget airline. Buckle in as we cover the theater of the absurd that unfolded during the Boeing hearings.

It was a day where accountability soared to the altitude of a grounded aircraft, and where corporate apologies gave a stiff competition to in-flight peanuts in terms of satisfaction. If you’ve ever wondered what happens when the rubber of fancy executive shoes meets the regulatory road, keep reading. It’s not just the planes that failed to take off – it’s common sense, too.

The Breakdown

• Bullet Dodging 101: You’ve gotta hand it to those Boeing execs; they know how to dodge a question like it’s a heat-seeking missile and they’re piloting an F-18. While grilled harder than a steak at a Texas barbecue, they zigged and zagged through the smokescreen of jargon so thick that not even the latest air filtration system could clear it.
  
  
  • Flights of Fancy Excuses: Each answer was more convoluted than a lost tourist in a foreign airport. Did anyone actually understand the reasons behind those dual sensor failures? I think not. But by golly, the language was impressive.
    
    
  • The Blame Game: I’ve not seen this much passing of the buck since the buck was a fawn. Apparently, accountability is as foreign a concept to these guys as an understaffed customer service desk.
    
    
• Safety Sold Separately: In the world of Boeing, it seems that safety may very well be an optional luxury, like extra legroom or a second pack of peanuts. If only they’d treated safety checks like a Black Friday sale—everybody wants in on those.
  
  
  • Upselling Airworthiness: Optional safety features? What’s next, oxygen masks that accept credit cards? It’s all business until someone has to use the slide.
    
    
• PR Puppets: The executives must have had their PR teams on speed dial because with every utterance, it seemed they were reading from a script that would make a teleprompter blush.
  
  
  • Spin City: If those execs spun any harder, we’d need air traffic control involved. Each response felt as honest as a three-dollar bill, but far less endearing.
    
    
• Delegation of Responsibility: Remember when you were a kid and broke a vase, then blamed your imaginary friend? Boeing’s got its own version—it’s called subcontracting.
  
  
  • The Scapegoat Special: Blaming supply chain issues for design flaws is like blaming your dog for eating your homework. It’s the oldest excuse in the book, and guess what? The dog ain’t buying it either.
    
    
• Downtime Duplicity: Apparently, the planes were just resting, not grounded. Because semantics will surely soothe the nerves of anxious passengers, right?
  
  
• A Rested Plane is a Safe Plane?: If only they’d put as much effort into their engineering as they do into their creative vocabulary, we might actually get somewhere on time and alive.
  

The Counter

• Blame it on the Rain (or Software): Sure, let’s not look at the men behind the curtain! It’s the weather—or better yet, some rogue code that caused all the mishaps. Humans? What humans? We’re just innocent button-pushers here!
  
  
  • The Phantom Menace: Good thing we have inanimate objects to blame. Heaven forbid someone with a heartbeat takes responsibility!
    
    
• The Lesser of Two Evils: So what if they cut corners? You still arrived more or less in one piece, give or take a few rapid unplanned disassemblies.
  
  
  • Relativity at Its Finest: Einstein would be so proud. Safety is relative, especially when it’s compared to profit margins.
    
    
• Just Following Orders: All decisions are made way above pay grade; they’re just loyal employees. Saying ‘no’ to a superior? Outrageous! It’s way more comfortable under the bus.
  
  
  • Corporate Hierarchy Hide-and-Seek: Never underestimate the power of a well-placed “I was just following orders” defense.
    
    
• The Cost of Innovation: They’re pioneers, dammit! Sometimes you’ve got to break a few eggs—or landing gears—to make an aviation omelet.
  
  
• FAA Franternizing: The FAA wined and dined with Boeing just like old pals at a high school reunion. Totally normal, right? Nothing to see here.
  
  
  • Regulatory Romance: They were just strengthening ties, ensuring that the “friendly skies” include the boardroom and the oversight office.
    
    
• The ‘Oops’ Factor: There’s simply no progress without a little extra “oops.” Who needs double-checks when you have the promise of the future?
  

The Hot Take

If I may impart a piece of homespun wisdom—there’s nothing that says “fixing the problem” like holding some feet to the fire. Sure, not literally, because we’re sophisticates with a dedication to non-violence and all that jazz. But metaphorical fire? Oh, we’ve got plenty of that.

First off, let’s talk about putting these safety features into the standard package. Like, come on, even my cheap smartphone comes with a charger and headphones, and yet my 300-ton mass of steel soaring through the skies comes with an IKEA-esque ‘Safety Sold Separately’ mentality?

And don’t even get me started about accountability. Let’s introduce something novel to this comedy of errors: consequences. If a software glitch in my computer can make me lose a document, a glitch in a plane’s software should at least lose someone their parking space.

Now hold on, before you call me a radical lefty, let me promise you I’m not suggesting anything drastic like reasonable regulation and competent oversight. Oh wait, I am. Because if we don’t spruce up that watchdog we call the FAA, we’ll have planes held together by chewing gum, corporate promises, and the occasional paperclip.

So, where do we go from here? Well, aside from ensuring that “upgrading your flight” doesn’t mean actually making it safer, let’s actually make room for honesty and transparency. It might be more uncomfortable than economy seating, but at least it will save more lives than a life vest tutorial on a crashing plane.

Strap in, folks, because this flight is going to be a bumpy ride. But at least with a little honesty, integrity, and genuine concern for human life, we might just make it to our destination after all—not just in body, but in spirit and conscience too.

Source: What we learned from a day of Boeing hearings