Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
In a modern twist that not even Kafka on his weirdest day could’ve seen coming, Eli Lilly has unveiled that their new weight loss injection drug is not just great at slimming waistlines, but it apparently helps you breathe easy at night too. I mean, who knew that the answer to sleep apnea would come not from fancy machines, breathing exercises, or a less-lavish pillow, but from a jab intended to attack those love handles? So let’s dive into the weighty matter, pun intended, of how sticking a needle in your flank before bedtime might be the new sleep apnea soundtrack.
The Breakdown
- Bulging Bullet: One Shot, Two Kills
- Forget about hitting two birds with one stone. Eli Lilly’s potion promises to deal with your bulging belly and your night-time snort-fest in one go. Next, they’ll be telling us it cures baldness and bad dates.
- Forget about hitting two birds with one stone. Eli Lilly’s potion promises to deal with your bulging belly and your night-time snort-fest in one go. Next, they’ll be telling us it cures baldness and bad dates.
- Snore Galore: Now with Less Noise
- You can say goodbye to being the human chainsaw. Alongside shedding pounds, you’re going to sound less like a woodshop and more like a peaceful, well, somewhat peaceful, breeze.
- You can say goodbye to being the human chainsaw. Alongside shedding pounds, you’re going to sound less like a woodshop and more like a peaceful, well, somewhat peaceful, breeze.
- Pricy Puncture: Thin Wallet Syndrome
- Let’s face it, any drug that does double-duty is going to come with a price tag that’ll probably require its own weight-loss plan. Saving on a CPAP machine, however, might just balance the budget—if you squint hard enough.
- Let’s face it, any drug that does double-duty is going to come with a price tag that’ll probably require its own weight-loss plan. Saving on a CPAP machine, however, might just balance the budget—if you squint hard enough.
- Size Matters: The Bigger Picture
- Not only does this miracle jab make your body mass index swoon, but it also reduces health risks associated with sleep apnea. Great, now all we need is a drug that can inject common sense into society.
- Not only does this miracle jab make your body mass index swoon, but it also reduces health risks associated with sleep apnea. Great, now all we need is a drug that can inject common sense into society.
- Medical Miracles: Side Effects May Include Optimism
- Amidst side effects, there’s a new one on the block: hope. Obstructive sleep apnea sufferers might see a light at the end of the tunnel that isn’t an oncoming train for once.
- Amidst side effects, there’s a new one on the block: hope. Obstructive sleep apnea sufferers might see a light at the end of the tunnel that isn’t an oncoming train for once.
The Counter
- Conspiracy Kool-Aid: It’s All a Big Pharma Scam
- Surely, this can’t be as good as it sounds. You’ve got to wonder if Big Pharma’s brewing something else. Maybe the drug wasn’t selling well as just a weight loss solution—cue the sleep apnea marketing genius.
- Surely, this can’t be as good as it sounds. You’ve got to wonder if Big Pharma’s brewing something else. Maybe the drug wasn’t selling well as just a weight loss solution—cue the sleep apnea marketing genius.
- One Trick Pony: Place Your Bets
- While this might seem like an all-in-one solution, I’d bet there will be people out there injecting this thing hoping it’ll do their taxes next. Thumb’s up to false hope.
- While this might seem like an all-in-one solution, I’d bet there will be people out there injecting this thing hoping it’ll do their taxes next. Thumb’s up to false hope.
- Night Terrors: Is Sleep Really Winning?
- If this injection kicks sleep apnea to the curb, what excuse will we have for our crankiness in the morning? Actually sleeping eight hours is a lot of pressure.
- If this injection kicks sleep apnea to the curb, what excuse will we have for our crankiness in the morning? Actually sleeping eight hours is a lot of pressure.
- Free Market Fantasy: But Can It Cure Capitalism?
- We can cut the fat globally, sure, but until there’s an injection that cures economic inequality, I’m not buying stock.
- We can cut the fat globally, sure, but until there’s an injection that cures economic inequality, I’m not buying stock.
- Unnatural Selection: Survival of the Fittest?
- If Darwin were alive, he’d be gobsmacked! Survival has stopped being about adaptation and started being all about prescription. What’s next, a pill for charisma?
- If Darwin were alive, he’d be gobsmacked! Survival has stopped being about adaptation and started being all about prescription. What’s next, a pill for charisma?
The Hot Take
Alright, were I the benevolent dictator of the United World of Commonsense, here’s how we could slice this gordian knot of health and societal issues: Universal Health-YOU. First, I’d invest in preventative health education; insert a carrot stick where you’d normally find a cinnamon bun. Then, we’d subsidize gym memberships, make therapy less of a luxury and more of a routine maintenance thing, like oil changes for your car, but for your brain.
Finally, hold Big Pharma accountable; transparency would be the new black in drug pricing. And of course, challenge everyone to a nationwide game of “Whack-a-Mole” with the socio-economic factors that lead to obesity and health issues in the first place – but the moles are systemic inequality and the hammer is common sense legislation soaked in sarcasm and a dash of tax reform. Voilà, problem solved—next crisis, please.
Source: Eli Lilly weight loss injection drug also helps with obstructive sleep apnea, company says
