Estimated reading time: 3 minutes
Ladies and gentlemen, gather ’round as we dive into the greatest circus of modern politics, where the main act is none other than our former ringleader, Donald Trump. As we edge closer to another presidential rumble, Trump is on the prowl for a new sidekick, well, Vice President.
But hold your horses; it’s not just any VP he’s looking for. He wants a model—a blind, unwaveringly loyal model. And why not? Because when the ship is sinking, you definitely want someone who compliments the band!
The Breakdown
- The Loyalty Litmus Test
- Imagine a world where your biggest qualification for a job is agreeing with everything the boss says. Welcome to Trump’s ideal VP criteria. If there’s a “Yes Man” Olympics, Trump is looking for the gold medalist.
- Imagine a world where your biggest qualification for a job is agreeing with everything the boss says. Welcome to Trump’s ideal VP criteria. If there’s a “Yes Man” Olympics, Trump is looking for the gold medalist.
- All Aboard the Trump Train
- The chosen one will need to buy their ticket and ride the Trump train, through tunnels of chaos and over bridges of controversy—all the while wearing a smile and waving at bewildered onlookers. No stops for doubts or democracy!
- The chosen one will need to buy their ticket and ride the Trump train, through tunnels of chaos and over bridges of controversy—all the while wearing a smile and waving at bewildered onlookers. No stops for doubts or democracy!
- Echo Chamber Enthusiast
- Who needs independent thoughts when you can have a beautifully orchestrated echo? Trump’s VP needs to echo his ideas, words, and even his tweets — preferably enhancing them with their own flare of frantic loyalty.
- Who needs independent thoughts when you can have a beautifully orchestrated echo? Trump’s VP needs to echo his ideas, words, and even his tweets — preferably enhancing them with their own flare of frantic loyalty.
- Crisis? What Crisis?
- Ability to look at looming scandals, constitutional crises, and legal predicaments and say, “Looks fine to me!” If Trump says “It’s just a witch hunt,” the VP must be ready with, “Absolutely, and we forgot the brooms!”
- Ability to look at looming scandals, constitutional crises, and legal predicaments and say, “Looks fine to me!” If Trump says “It’s just a witch hunt,” the VP must be ready with, “Absolutely, and we forgot the brooms!”
- Vision? What Vision?
- Why bother with a vision for the future when you can live endlessly in the nostalgia of a make-believe past? The ideal candidate must be committed to a ‘great again’ vision, even if it means wearing rose-tinted glasses welded to their face.
- Why bother with a vision for the future when you can live endlessly in the nostalgia of a make-believe past? The ideal candidate must be committed to a ‘great again’ vision, even if it means wearing rose-tinted glasses welded to their face.
The Counter
- The Reality Check
- Maybe it’s not a loyalty test; perhaps it’s just an intense form of job security when your criteria eliminates 99% of qualified candidates.
- Maybe it’s not a loyalty test; perhaps it’s just an intense form of job security when your criteria eliminates 99% of qualified candidates.
- Next Stop: Accountability
- Last I checked, the Trump train could use a functional brake system. Preferably one that stops at all major checks and balances.
- Last I checked, the Trump train could use a functional brake system. Preferably one that stops at all major checks and balances.
- Sound of Silence?
- Instead of echoing, might we suggest occasionally hitting mute? Sometimes silence is golden, especially when the alternative could be inciting riots.
- Instead of echoing, might we suggest occasionally hitting mute? Sometimes silence is golden, especially when the alternative could be inciting riots.
- Facing the Music
- What if facing the crises head-on is the new loyalty? Maybe tackling actual issues could be the upcoming season’s hottest trend.
- What if facing the crises head-on is the new loyalty? Maybe tackling actual issues could be the upcoming season’s hottest trend.
- Glasses Off
- How about we smash those tinted glasses and actually address the present? A little vision clarity might be exactly what this political refractive error needs.
- How about we smash those tinted glasses and actually address the present? A little vision clarity might be exactly what this political refractive error needs.
The Hot Take
As we wrap up this comedic rollercoaster of loyalty and absurd political maneuvers, here’s a hot take: maybe, just maybe, the solution isn’t finding someone who can blindly follow but rather someone who has the courage to lead when necessary.
If Trump is set on making America great, perhaps a dose of reality, served with a side of integrity and a dash of actual political acumen, could be just what the doctor ordered. Wouldn’t it be hilariously effective to have a VP who complements but also challenges, making the duo not just a spectacle, but a competent leadership team? Imagine that, a government that works! Now that’s a punchline we can all laugh to.
So, as we look forward to another high-stakes, high-drama political saga, let’s not forget to laugh, because sometimes that’s the only thing that makes sense in a world that often doesn’t.
Source: What Does Trump Want Most From His Next Veep? Blind Loyalty
