Estimated reading time: 4 minutes

Source: ‘Pure, uncut Trumpism’ now infects GOP so much there’s ‘nothing he can do to lose’: report

The Details

Oh, gather ’round, my fellow Americans, because it seems the Grand Old Party has a case of the Trumpitis that’s more infectious than laughter in a comedy club with a two-drink minimum. We’ve hit a point where Trumpism is the main course, dessert, and apparently, the indigestion that follows for the Republican Party. It’s like watching a surreal reality TV show, except the ratings determine the future of our democracy. So if you’ve ever wished politics could be more like a never-ending game of whack-a-mole with bald eagles and apple pies as prizes, boy, do I have news for you!

The Breakdown

• “Make America Great Again – Again!”
  Did you think MAGA hats were out of style? Think again! They’re like the political equivalent of mullets: business in the front, party in the back, and inexplicably back in fashion.
• “Endorsements: Where Relationships are Fungible”
  Ever been in a toxic relationship where you just keep going back? That’s the GOP with Trump endorsements. They’re swiping right on the same guy who gave them political heartburn, proving that in politics, amnesia is the most beloved ailment.
• “Who Needs Policies When You Have Personality?”
  Policies, smolicies! Who needs a plan when you’ve got charisma, fear-mongering, and a knack for catchphrases that stick like gum to a shoe? I mean, why bother with substance when you have style?
• “The Poll Dance”
  The latest polls have Trump gleefully doing the samba on the ashes of political decorum. In this dance, the judges are Fox News, the moves are unorthodox, and no matter what, Trump seems to be taking home the disco ball trophy.
• “Unity: A Euphemism for Falling in Line”
  Remember when unity meant coming together for a common cause? Yeah, me neither. In today’s GOP, unity means agreeing with one guy, or else. It’s like the Borg from Star Trek, if the Borg were obsessed with golf and Twitter.

The Counter

• “Democracy? More Like Demon-Crazy!”
  Here’s a wild idea: let Trump lead the GOP off the rails – it’s not like we were using those tracks to advance democracy or anything. Next stop, Anarchyville!
• “Fiscal Responsibility? Overrated!”
  Let’s just ignore the national debt climbing faster than my blood pressure at a conspiracy theory rally. Money’s just paper, but authoritarianism is forever, baby!
• “Truth? That’s So 18th Century!”
  Truth is like that old high school friend you run into and hardly recognize. Sure, it was nice knowing you, Truth, but have you met Alternative Facts? Now that’s friendship goals.
• “International Relations, Schminternational Relations”
  Allies? Who needs ’em! It’s much more exciting to surprise your friends with tariffs and Twitter tirades. Who doesn’t love a good suspense thriller based on international diplomacy?
• “Let the Courts Sort It Out!”
  Whenever there’s a controversy, the best solution is to let it simmer and eventually boil over to the judiciary. Courts love nothing more than a political hot potato. It’s their version of Hot Yoga.

The Hot Take

Now, if you want to solve this little problem of an entire political ideology turning into a one-man Broadway show, here’s a novel concept: put the focus back on governance. You know, the boring stuff like laws, policies, and actually running a country. Let’s remind the folks in suits that leadership isn’t measured by who can shout the loudest but rather by who can build sturdy bridges over the rivers of divide – and I don’t mean just on Twitter. But what do I know, I’m just a liberal comedian who believes that maybe, just maybe, putting country over party isn’t such a ludicrous punchline after all.