Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
Source: Donald Trump Names 2 Potential Running Mates He Admits Have Done Serious Toadying
The Details
In a move that shocks absolutely no one but the amnesia-stricken, Donald J. Trump, erstwhile commander-in-cheese and current seeker of America’s most coveted job — again — has dangled the carrot of the vice presidency in front of two of his most sycophantic followers. Like two Dickensian orphans clamoring for a scrap from the master’s table, these potential running mates have performed such impressive acts of servility that they might just be granted the second seat on the Trump train to — well, let’s just say it’s not headed to Hogwarts.
The Breakdown
- Olympic-Level Pandering
- Our potential VP candidates have excelled in toadyism, much like an athlete breaking records, only the sport here is groveling and the trophy is a shot at being number two to Trump’s number one. Let’s give a round of applause for their extraordinary lack of spine.
- Flattery Will Get You Everywhere
- It appears the fastest route to Trump’s heart is a well-paved highway of compliments, flattery, and an indefatigable willingness to nod vigorously at any and all of his ideas, no matter how outrageous. If brown-nosing were a class, these folks are valedictorians.
- The Sound of Silence
- Remarkably, these potential VPs have conveniently lost their ability to criticize — or, heaven forbid — disagree with Trump, on, well, anything. It’s like they’ve taken a vow of silent subservience, which is only broken when it’s time to sing his praises.
- Political Loyalty Points
- Ever heard of a loyalty program? It seems Trump’s got his own version – collect enough points by defending his honor at all costs, and you might just redeem them for a spot on the ticket. Disclaimer: your dignity may be non-refundable.
- The Echo Chamber
- Echoes are fascinating, aren’t they? Say something and it comes right back to you. Trump must be thrilled since every word he utters is parroted back by his would-be running mates. How reassuring it must be to never hear a dissenting voice.
The Counter
- Independent Thought Is Overrated
- Who needs original thought when you can just parrot the talking points of someone who swears he’s always right? Creativity and autonomy are so last century, folks.
- Criticism Builds Character
- When they say criticism is constructive, they clearly haven’t considered the masterful art of unyielding allegiance – it’s like building a house of cards, no criticism allowed, or the whole thing falls apart.
- Loyalty is for Dogs
- Chameleons Are Just Ineffective Politicians
- These creatures change color to blend in, but our stalwart VP hopefuls? They’re beyond that – they change convictions, principles, and backbones faster than a chameleon on a disco dance floor.
- Originality Won’t Land You In The History Books
- Sure, we all remember the great revolutionaries and thinkers, but who will remember the yes-men and bootlickers? Oh, wait. We will, because they’re aiming to be a heartbeat away from the presidency.
The Hot Take
In the high-stakes game of political musical chairs, where every dodged question, every sycophantic tweet, and every soul-selling endorsement is just a part of the dance, what are we, the audience, left to do? Here’s a radical thought – how about voting based on policy and progress rather than the puerile pageantry of pandering? Or, heaven forbid, holding politicians accountable to serve the public rather than their own ambition or the whims of their party leader. It’s a laugh, I know. Yet, accept the comedy of the political landscape as it is, and you might just empower the very farce you seek to dismantle. So let’s sharpen our pencils, folks, and underline those ballots with decisive strokes that spell out a future bereft of bootlicking sidekicks. Because honestly, if this is the kind of marionette show we’re in for, I at least want some decent puppetry skills on display.
