Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
The Details
Picture this, in a world where the concept of ‘neighborly love’ isn’t just something you dust off and wear to Sunday service, you’ve got organizations like the Annunciation House providing shelter to migrants at the Texas border. But hold on, here comes Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton sliding into the narrative like the proverbial Grinch who stole compassion. In his latest quest, he’s setting his legal sights on a Catholic nonprofit that’s been operating since disco was a thing, because nothing screams ‘public menace’ like a group that’s trying to ensure people don’t sleep under bridges.
Now, the Annunciation House isn’t a Marriott, but it’s been a beacon of hope for countless migrants. And yet, Paxton has decided it’s high time the nonprofit faced the music—or rather, the courthouse—for its egregious acts of, wait for it, charity and humanity. You might think a Catholic charity would be in the clear in the Lone Star State, but as the details reveal, no good deed goes unpunished when there’s a border crisis to politicize.
The Breakdown
- Bullet Point One: “Look Ma, No Heart!”
Ever eager to demonize a helping hand, Paxton has roped the Annunciation House into an ugly squabble that would make even Scrooge uncomfortable. The charity, guilty of compassion in the first degree, is now getting dragged through the mud like it’s running a black market piñata ring. - Bullet Point Two: “Charity Begins at Home, So Why Not Close the Neighborhood?”
In Paxton’s world, the notion of helping migrants is about as welcome as a skateboard in a china shop. The attorney general seems to hold the belief that charity should have borders, like a well-manicured hedge around the American Dream, where only the ‘right’ kind of people get a key to the gate. - Bullet Point Three: “When in Doubt, Litigate!”
Because nothing solves humanitarian issues better than a lawsuit, right? Paxton decided the best use of taxpayer dollars was to sue a nonprofit. Perhaps the next step will be taking legal action against puppies for causing undue cuteness distractions. - Bullet Point Four: “Crisis? What Crisis?”
Paxton’s lawsuit implies there’s a crisis at hand, spinning a tale as if migrants receiving shelter could single-handedly upend the very fabric of Texas society. Next thing you know, they’ll be accused of causing traffic jams or influencing the disappointing performance of the Dallas Cowboys. - Bullet Point Five: “The World’s Most Sinister Soup Kitchen”
With the gravitas of someone uncovering an international spy ring, Paxton points his finger at the Annunciation House. Who knew providing beds and sandwiches could land you in the crosshairs of a state attorney general’s office?
The Counter
- Bullet One: “If You Can’t Join Them, Beat Them!”
Can’t find a way to resolve an issue? Just squash those trying. It’s like telling the fire department they’re getting a bit too water-happy while dousing flames. - Bullet Two: “The Old ‘Protecting the Homeland’ Routine”
Nothing says protecting your homeland like going after those pesky Good Samaritans. After all, Paxton perhaps is just following the old adage: ‘Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day; sue the guy giving out the fish, and you’ve got a lawsuit.’ - Bullet Three: “Criminalizing Compassion: A New Olympic Sport”
Paxton might as well be training for the gold in the new event of competitive compassion-crushing. Who needs to foster positive international relations when you’ve got a cold heart and a hot briefcase? - Bullet Four: “The Texas Two-Step: Dance Away from the Real Issues”
If you can’t address the systemic problems contributing to the border crisis, just two-step your way to the courtroom against those who are trying to help. It’s the Texas sidestep perfected. - Bullet Five: “Make America Gape Again”
When in doubt, engage in actions so outrageous that it leaves the rest of the civilized world with their jaws on the floor. It’s an impressive party trick, really.
The Hot Take
Now for my scorching hot take, folks—let’s crank up the heat and hand out suits of armor to nonprofits because apparently, they’re going into battle. We’ll turn their food pantries into fortresses and their shelters into bunkers.
To ‘fix’ the crisis, we adopt the Paxton Plan: emergencies are best solved not by addressing the root issues, but by legal sparring with those dastardly folks armed with blankets and soup ladles. Casting out kindness, we’ll uphold the Great American Tradition of litigating our way out of moral responsibility. Let’s slap a lawsuit on empathy; it’s clearly the way forward!
Source: Ken Paxton’s latest target in the migrant crisis: a decades-old Catholic nonprofit
