Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
The Details
Well, ain’t this a hoot – hospitals getting in the way of reproductive rights! In a stunning revelation, much like finding out water is wet and politicians lie, we’ve uncovered that Catholic hospitals are planting their moral flag right in the middle of women’s personal health decisions.
Even in states where the political climate is as blue as a Smurf convention, these institutions are saying “nah” to providing abortion services. It’s healthcare with a side of religious doctrine, which I always say makes the medicine go down with the bitter aftertaste of dogma.
The Breakdown
- Barrier to Entry? More like Barrier to Uterus!
Catholic hospitals are popping up like moral moles in a whack-a-mole game, only nobody’s doing any whacking because these are no game. They’re taking over, and just when a woman thinks she’s got a green light for care, they pull up the ol’ “against our beliefs” roadblock. - The ‘Moral’ of the Story: Scruples over Scalpels
Here’s a juicy tidbit: healthcare based on faith over facts. Instead of medical tools, these hospitals seem to be issuing moral compasses to their staff – and guess what? They all point to “nope.” - A Church and a Hospital Walk Into a Bar…
Except nobody’s laughing because they walk out joined at the hip, making decisions on women’s health over a pint of religious brew. “Care for a sip?” they ask. “No thanks,” says every woman ever, “I prefer my body autonomy on the rocks.” - “Progressive States” – Irony Much?
These states are so forward-thinking, they can wrap around and pat their own backs. Yet, they’ve somehow given a hall pass to these Catholic hospitals that took a wrong turn at Women’s Rights Avenue and ended up in the middle ages. - What Would Jesus Do? Probably Not This.
I remember that part of the Bible where Jesus turned water into wine and said, “Now let’s deny people their rights.” Said no scripture ever! I must have missed the part where it said, “Blessed are the gatekeepers of reproductive rights.”
The Counter
- Heaven Sent Health Care
Because when I think health care, I think heaven’s mandate. Who needs a doctor’s opinion when you’ve got a boardroom of bishops making the call? - Prayer Over Procedures
Just picture this: a room where doctors used to perform medical procedures, now turned into a prayer circle. I mean, science is great, but have you tried divine intervention? - Separate Church and State? How Quaint.
I adore the nostalgia of thinking church and state are two different entities. It gives me that warm, fuzzy feeling of a time when people thought their private lives were, you know, private. - Do No Harm? More Like Do No Service!
“First, do no harm,” says the Hippocratic Oath. Apparently, the addendum is, “unless it bothers you religiously, then just do nothing at all.” - Right to Choose: Director’s Cut
It’s like every woman’s right got left on the editing room floor. Sorry ladies, your scene where you make choices about your body? It got cut for time – and by “time” I mean “dogma.”
The Hot Take
Look, if we’re serious about fixing this, maybe it’s time to hand out compasses to these healthcare providers so they can find their way back to reality. Hospitals need a reminder that women’s bodies aren’t a battleground for religious beliefs.
Maybe install a suggestion box where women can drop in their opinion on their rights – except it’s not a suggestion box, it’s the law. Would you look at that? Health care based on health rather than a heavenly dictate – now that’s what I call a revelation!
