Joe Biden and the Great Swing State Subway Scamper

Estimated reading time: 5 minutes

If you ever want a metaphor for the American political landscape, look no further than New York City’s subways during rush hour. It’s chaotic, a little grimy, and everyone’s angry about something. Similarly, the Democratic strategy for winning swing states might just benefit from mimicking the underbelly of the Big Apple. This is what the political pundits at The Hill seem to suggest in their latest cerebral gymnastics: Biden could learn a thing or two from the often late, always crowded, and perennially unpredictable NYC subway system to keep the swing states from, well, swinging the other way.

The Breakdown

1. Track Maintenance is Essential: Just like the MTA constantly fixing track fires and signal failures, Democrats need to keep their base from derailing. Remember, nothing spells party unity like a group of people stuck in a tunnel without air conditioning during a summer power outage.
   • Details: Stay ahead of political track fires. Don’t let the other side define the narrative, unless the narrative is about never-ending construction on the L line.
     
     
2. The Subway Performers: You know that guy who unhinges his body and breakdances through a moving train? That’s the kind of flexibility and showmanship Dems need to display. If you can navigate between poles and passengers without knocking someone’s coffee, you’re set for the floor of Congress.
   • Details: Be the political contortionist. Twist through complex issues and leap over policy hurdles without spilling your coffee—or your constituents’ trust.
     
     
3. Mind the Gap: If you’ve ever stepped into the gap between the platform and the train, you know it’s an unforgiving, ankle-twisting abyss. The Democratic Party needs to watch that gap between their promises and their delivery, lest voters’ feet get caught in the void.
   • Details: Align your platform with the train of public opinion—or risk dropping everyone’s support into the gap.
     
     
4. Rats as a Survival Strategy: Ever watch a rat dodge oncoming trains? That’s the political survival instinct the Dems need. And when necessary, haul your pizza slice across the platform like it’s a key demographic’s vote you’re trying to save.
   • Details: Be the rodent in the ointment. Find ways to survive when the usual strategies (or subway lines) aren’t running.
     
     
5. Express vs. Local: Sometimes, you need the express train to zoom past the competition. Other times you have to take the local stops and listen to each district’s concerns. Reading the room—or the route map—is key.
   • Details: Know when to fast-track policies or take time to address each station’s issues. It’s all about timing, and please, avoid ‘signal problems’.
     

The Counter

1. Disgruntled Conductors’ Union: Let’s face it, nothing says unity like a transit strike during the holiday season. The Dems should strive for the same cohesive discontent when dealing with internal differences.
   
   
2. Endless Delays: Sure, you could promise expedited platforms and smoother rides, but isn’t the real charm of NYC subways the mystery of when (or if) you’ll reach your destination? Dems could employ this timeless classic: the art of indefinite postponement.
   
   
3. The Lost Tourist: There’s no better allegory for misplaced faith in political leadership than a tourist clutching a subway map upside down. Dems need to embrace this confusion—after all, a bewildered electorate is a dependent electorate.
   
   
4. A Platform of Empty Trains: You ever see an empty train pull into a packed station during rush hour? It’s going to the depot. That’s the political promise right there—it arrives clean and empty, and no one gets to ride it.
   
   
5. Turnstile Jumpers: Like a well-placed campaign advertisement, the violators of the MTA’s fare system are both daring and unabashed. Perhaps the Dems simply need to vault over policy barriers with the same fearless enthusiasm.
   

The Hot Take

Now, to fix the problem, here’s a hot strategy straight out of the liberal oven: Let’s overhaul the entire system! We’ll promise free MetroCards for all—scratch that, free teleportation pods stationed at every corner because that’s as likely as centrist bipartisan legislation. Let’s rip up the old tracks of tradition and lay down shiny new policies that look great but might buckle under the weight of actually moving forward. Remember, it’s not about arriving on time; it’s about the thrilling ride of policy proposals and political pageantry.

We’ll need to install high-speed rails, of course—powered by the electrifying speeches that promise revolutionary change every four years. Don’t worry about the budget; we’ll fund it by taxing billionaires based on the number of times they say “bootstraps” in an interview.

But most importantly, we’ll need humor, because if we’re going to navigate the twisty, turny subways of swing state politics, we’re going to need to laugh to keep from crying. Or from getting shoved onto the tracks by a stray elbow during rush hour. So let’s grab ahold of the nearest pole, keep our balance, and ride this thing until we reach our stop—or until we realize we’re on the wrong train entirely.

Source: How Biden can win in the swing states by learning from New York City’s subways