Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
In a seemingly desperate bid to audition for the lead role in “Back to the Future Part IV,” the Arizona Supreme Court has decided to dust off an abortion ban that predates the lightbulb. Yes, you heard it right, folks — the same year that the wonders of a horse-drawn carriage were all the rage and the telegraph was the hottest tech on the market, Arizona penned a law that modern lawmakers seem to find enduringly fashionable. So, let’s buckle up our corsets and tighten our top hats as we delve into the sensational world of 1864 legislation still being enforced in the year 2024. Who needs progress when you have the perfectly good laws of yesteryear?
The Breakdown
- A Jurisdictional Joust: Dusting Off the Ol’ Gavel
- Picture this: The year is 1864. The Civil War is raging, and the good people of what would eventually be Arizona are busily legislating women’s bodies like it’s a competitive sport. Fast-forward to now, where apparently not much has changed. It’s like Arizona inadvertently created a cultural time capsule, and its Supreme Court just couldn’t wait to pop it open.
- Picture this: The year is 1864. The Civil War is raging, and the good people of what would eventually be Arizona are busily legislating women’s bodies like it’s a competitive sport. Fast-forward to now, where apparently not much has changed. It’s like Arizona inadvertently created a cultural time capsule, and its Supreme Court just couldn’t wait to pop it open.
- A Time-Honored Tradition: Ignoring Progress
- Some folks celebrate Throwback Thursday with a fun old photo on social media. Arizona’s Supreme Court, on the other hand, celebrates by reincarnating laws that should’ve been retired alongside the steam engine. Turning back the clock on women’s rights? Now that’s a throwback no one asked for.
- Some folks celebrate Throwback Thursday with a fun old photo on social media. Arizona’s Supreme Court, on the other hand, celebrates by reincarnating laws that should’ve been retired alongside the steam engine. Turning back the clock on women’s rights? Now that’s a throwback no one asked for.
- Legal Déjà Vu: When Retro Just Ain’t Cool
- Anyone who’s anyone knows that vintage is in. Vinyl records, classic movies, grandma’s knitwear — the nostalgia factor is hot. Arizona’s Supreme Court sees the trend and thinks, “Why not apply this to laws, too?” because nothing screams “retro-chic” like a law written when Arizona was still just a territory.
- Anyone who’s anyone knows that vintage is in. Vinyl records, classic movies, grandma’s knitwear — the nostalgia factor is hot. Arizona’s Supreme Court sees the trend and thinks, “Why not apply this to laws, too?” because nothing screams “retro-chic” like a law written when Arizona was still just a territory.
- Antique Laws: More Than Just A Conversation Piece
- Collecting antiques is a respectable hobby. But using an 1864 law as a guiding principle for modern jurisprudence? That’s a hobby that’s less “Antiques Roadshow” and more “Nightmare on Elm Street.” Some antiques are meant to stay in the attic, preferably buried under a thick layer of dust and cobwebs.
- Collecting antiques is a respectable hobby. But using an 1864 law as a guiding principle for modern jurisprudence? That’s a hobby that’s less “Antiques Roadshow” and more “Nightmare on Elm Street.” Some antiques are meant to stay in the attic, preferably buried under a thick layer of dust and cobwebs.
- Jurisprudence or Just Ridiculous?
- The Arizona Supreme Court must have mistaken “oldie but a goodie” for “oldie and should-be-obsolete.” In a move that’s less about jurisprudence and more about jumping into legal limbo, they’ve reached back to a time before cars, planes, and even sliced bread were invented. It’s like winning the legal lotto but choosing the antique coin collection instead of the cash prize.
- The Arizona Supreme Court must have mistaken “oldie but a goodie” for “oldie and should-be-obsolete.” In a move that’s less about jurisprudence and more about jumping into legal limbo, they’ve reached back to a time before cars, planes, and even sliced bread were invented. It’s like winning the legal lotto but choosing the antique coin collection instead of the cash prize.
The Counter
- If It Ain’t Broke, Don’t Fix It – Unless It’s a 158-Year-Old Law
- Bless their hearts, Arizona legislators are steadfast believers in the enduring charm of laws from the horse-and-buggy era. After all, why bother with newfangled ideas when you’ve got a perfectly moldy piece of paper from 1864?
- Bless their hearts, Arizona legislators are steadfast believers in the enduring charm of laws from the horse-and-buggy era. After all, why bother with newfangled ideas when you’ve got a perfectly moldy piece of paper from 1864?
- The Limited Edition Law: Classic Collection
- You’ve heard of limited edition cars and collector’s edition video games. Well, Arizona’s Supreme Court has unveiled the limited edition law, making headlines by bringing antiquity back into legal vogue.
- You’ve heard of limited edition cars and collector’s edition video games. Well, Arizona’s Supreme Court has unveiled the limited edition law, making headlines by bringing antiquity back into legal vogue.
- Tradition Trumps Transformation
- Tradition is essential—just ask any member of the Arizona Supreme Court who seems to think that an almost two-century-old law is more trustworthy than anything the 20th or 21st century could come up with.
- Tradition is essential—just ask any member of the Arizona Supreme Court who seems to think that an almost two-century-old law is more trustworthy than anything the 20th or 21st century could come up with.
- Nostalgia: The Legal Drug of Choice
- Nothing gets the heart racing like a little nostalgia. It seems Arizona’s Supreme Court is addicted to it, too — after all, why advance societal norms when you can revel in the warm, fuzzy feeling of yesteryear’s oppressions?
- Nothing gets the heart racing like a little nostalgia. It seems Arizona’s Supreme Court is addicted to it, too — after all, why advance societal norms when you can revel in the warm, fuzzy feeling of yesteryear’s oppressions?
- Legislative Antiquarians: History’s Pawn Stars
- Arizona’s Supreme Court judges would give the guys on “Pawn Stars” a run for their money with their knack for finding value in the ancient and outmoded.
- Arizona’s Supreme Court judges would give the guys on “Pawn Stars” a run for their money with their knack for finding value in the ancient and outmoded.
The Hot Take
Buckle up, because it’s about to get hotter than Arizona asphalt in July. The solution is simple, folks: it’s time to take a page out of Marie Kondo’s book and start decluttering the legal closet. If a law doesn’t spark joy (or justice), thank it for its service and toss it out with the petticoats and powdered wigs.
How about we upgrade our legislative operating system to at least the 20th century? Maybe then we can start scripting laws that reflect the values of (gasp) today’s society. And who knows, if we get really daring, women might even be considered capable of making decisions about their own bodies. Crazy talk, I know, but a comedian can dream!
Source: Arizona Supreme Court rules abortion ban from 1864 can be enforced
