Estimated reading time: 3 minutes
In a country famous for its beer, bratwurst, and autobahns, Germany has now brewed up a discussion that’s as heated as a freshly-poured pilsner. In what could be mistaken for a segment from “The Twilight Zone,” a group of so-called experts has suddenly figured out that, hey, maybe we shouldn’t criminalize women for making choices about their own bodies within the first trimester of pregnancy. Gasp! Who would’ve thunk it? I’ll tell ya, it’s groundbreaking stuff — kinda like discovering that water is wet.
The Breakdown
- Breaking the Law by… Not Being a Lawbreaker?
- Apparently, until now, a woman could face the strong arm of the law if she decided not to go through with a pregnancy in the early stages. Is it just me or does that sound like a twisted episode of “Punk’d” where the hidden cameras never show up?
- Apparently, until now, a woman could face the strong arm of the law if she decided not to go through with a pregnancy in the early stages. Is it just me or does that sound like a twisted episode of “Punk’d” where the hidden cameras never show up?
- The ‘Expert’ Opinion Has Finally Arrived… Sort of Like Winter in “Game of Thrones”
- These experts – and I use the term as loosely as a clown’s pants – seem to have finally caught up to the 21st century, recommending what women around the world have been screaming into the void: autonomy. Who invited these experts to the party, and why are they so late?
- These experts – and I use the term as loosely as a clown’s pants – seem to have finally caught up to the 21st century, recommending what women around the world have been screaming into the void: autonomy. Who invited these experts to the party, and why are they so late?
- The 12-Week Magic Line in the Sand
- Magic might be real after all because these experts have decided that the first 12 weeks of pregnancy come with a no-judgment zone. What happens in week 13? Do they turn into pumpkins? Personally, I’m on the edge of my seat.
- Magic might be real after all because these experts have decided that the first 12 weeks of pregnancy come with a no-judgment zone. What happens in week 13? Do they turn into pumpkins? Personally, I’m on the edge of my seat.
- Decriminalization Does Not Equal Encouragement
- Let’s be clear: no one is setting up balloon arches and confetti cannons celebrating abortions. But maybe, just maybe, we shouldn’t be treating women like criminals for making tough personal choices.
- Let’s be clear: no one is setting up balloon arches and confetti cannons celebrating abortions. But maybe, just maybe, we shouldn’t be treating women like criminals for making tough personal choices.
- The Bigger Picture: It’s Not Just About Decriminalization
The Counter
- What Will the Lawmakers Do With All Their Free Time Now?
- Now that they don’t have to police women’s wombs, perhaps they could take up knitting? I hear it’s quite therapeutic and produces lovely scarves.
- Now that they don’t have to police women’s wombs, perhaps they could take up knitting? I hear it’s quite therapeutic and produces lovely scarves.
- But What About the Bureaucracy?
- Think of the poor bureaucrats who’ve dedicated their careers to filing paperwork on uterus-related misdemeanors. Will someone please think of the bureaucrats?
- Think of the poor bureaucrats who’ve dedicated their careers to filing paperwork on uterus-related misdemeanors. Will someone please think of the bureaucrats?
- The Confusion of Simplification
- With laws possibly being loosened, how will society handle the stress of not over-complicating women’s health issues? The simplicity might just be too much to bear.
- With laws possibly being loosened, how will society handle the stress of not over-complicating women’s health issues? The simplicity might just be too much to bear.
- Do We Really Trust Women to Make Their Own Decisions?
- I mean, they get so emotional, right? Next thing you know, they’ll want to vote or become CEOs. Oh, wait…
- I mean, they get so emotional, right? Next thing you know, they’ll want to vote or become CEOs. Oh, wait…
- The Slippery Slope
- First, it’s decriminalizing abortion, and next thing you know, we’re treating all citizens with respect and dignity. Madness!
- First, it’s decriminalizing abortion, and next thing you know, we’re treating all citizens with respect and dignity. Madness!
The Hot Take
Now, if you want a real hot take, let me serve you up a spicy one. Imagine a world where we didn’t spend centuries deciding if women should have control over their own bodies. Wild, right? Here’s my off-the-cuff, totally radical liberal idea: treat women like adults capable of making their own decisions. Radical, I know! Plus, while we’re at it, how about we offer comprehensive sex education, accessible healthcare, and a dash of common respect? I can feel the traditionalists shaking in their lederhosen already.
Source: Experts group says abortion in Germany should be decriminalized during pregnancy’s first 12 weeks
