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In an act of legislative legerdemain that would make Houdini envious, Senator Marco Rubio has valiantly taken it upon himself to lead a charge against the latest Biden administration rule. This rule, which has undoubtedly ruffled the feathers of the faith-based charity fashionistas, aims to ensure that federally funded programs don’t force their religious views on the people they help.
Rubio, ever the champion of religious wear-without-a-care, believes this is an affront to piety and is rallying the troops to undo what he sees as a spiteful stitch in the tapestry of religious liberty.
The Breakdown
- A Holy Rollback Proposal
- Our boy Marco is crusading to scrap requirements that keep church and state on different dance floors. This new rule apparently has devout partners stepping on toes, and Rubio’s not having any of it. Think of it as the faith-based Electric Slide – you’re either in line or you’re tripping over your feet.
- Our boy Marco is crusading to scrap requirements that keep church and state on different dance floors. This new rule apparently has devout partners stepping on toes, and Rubio’s not having any of it. Think of it as the faith-based Electric Slide – you’re either in line or you’re tripping over your feet.
- Faith’s Fashion Police
- The Biden administration dared to enforce a dress code, suggesting that when you’re fed with federal funds, you can’t accessorize with religious obligations. Rubio, doubling as a divine designer, finds the guidelines a misfit and is tailoring a bill that brings back the haute couture of proselytization with public money.
- The Biden administration dared to enforce a dress code, suggesting that when you’re fed with federal funds, you can’t accessorize with religious obligations. Rubio, doubling as a divine designer, finds the guidelines a misfit and is tailoring a bill that brings back the haute couture of proselytization with public money.
- Compulsory Charity Choir
- Imagine getting help from a charity and also a hymnal to sing from – whether you know the tune or not. That’s the kind of ensemble Rubio wants to conduct, where receiving a helping hand might come with holding a religious pamphlet. Privacy curtains in changing rooms? Gone. Expect to belt out a gospel or two while trying on assistance.
- Imagine getting help from a charity and also a hymnal to sing from – whether you know the tune or not. That’s the kind of ensemble Rubio wants to conduct, where receiving a helping hand might come with holding a religious pamphlet. Privacy curtains in changing rooms? Gone. Expect to belt out a gospel or two while trying on assistance.
- The Unholy Alliances
- Like a televangelist reaching for your wallet through the screen, Rubio fears the new rule is the government telling you what you can and cannot believe. So his bill is the infomercial for faith-based organizations that promises salvation on every purchase, no money-back guarantee needed because faith is priceless, right?
- Like a televangelist reaching for your wallet through the screen, Rubio fears the new rule is the government telling you what you can and cannot believe. So his bill is the infomercial for faith-based organizations that promises salvation on every purchase, no money-back guarantee needed because faith is priceless, right?
- Constituent Confessions
- If you thought your local food bank was just about the canned beans, think again. Under the new rule, they’d have to confess their religious affiliations before serving up sustenance. Rubio wants to keep those confessions in the booth and out of the pantry, so your soup comes with a smile, not a sermon.
- If you thought your local food bank was just about the canned beans, think again. Under the new rule, they’d have to confess their religious affiliations before serving up sustenance. Rubio wants to keep those confessions in the booth and out of the pantry, so your soup comes with a smile, not a sermon.
The Counter
- The Sacred Art of Solicitation
- Isn’t it divine when you’re down on your luck, and instead of a handout, you get a hand up… to the altar? Because nothing says “I’m here to help” like “I’m here to convert.”
- Isn’t it divine when you’re down on your luck, and instead of a handout, you get a hand up… to the altar? Because nothing says “I’m here to help” like “I’m here to convert.”
- The Gospel According to Government Grants
- Unchain the Chains of Freedom
- Forget the shackles of freedom from religion; isn’t it more liberating to choose from state-sanctioned beliefs? It’s like a buffet, but instead of food, it’s just different flavors of religious freedom.
- Forget the shackles of freedom from religion; isn’t it more liberating to choose from state-sanctioned beliefs? It’s like a buffet, but instead of food, it’s just different flavors of religious freedom.
- Divine Decrees on Demand
- Who wouldn’t want their taxpayer dollars to go towards spreading the Good Word? It’s like crowd-funding for the afterlife, and we’re all involuntary backers. Stretch goal: heavenly harmony or maybe just another church picnic funded by Uncle Sam.
- Who wouldn’t want their taxpayer dollars to go towards spreading the Good Word? It’s like crowd-funding for the afterlife, and we’re all involuntary backers. Stretch goal: heavenly harmony or maybe just another church picnic funded by Uncle Sam.
- A Free-Will Offering (Terms and Conditions Apply)
- Here’s a heartwarming choice: either starve or learn about your savior while you’re served a sandwich. It’s what free will is all about, provided you’re willing to sign on the dotted line, in faith (and federal funds).
- Here’s a heartwarming choice: either starve or learn about your savior while you’re served a sandwich. It’s what free will is all about, provided you’re willing to sign on the dotted line, in faith (and federal funds).
The Hot Take
In the spirit of liberal lunacy, let’s serve up a solution on a secular silver platter. How about we keep the government’s grubby paws out of the prayer pot and let each citizen sup from the stew of spiritual freedom free from coercion?
Or, we could just nationalize all charities, make giving compulsory, and establish the Department of Altruistic Affairs to ensure every good deed is properly legislated. Because, remember, if a tree falls in the forest and there’s no one there to impose a belief system upon it, does it really make a sound?
Finally, and hear me out here, we could just abide by that nifty idea of separation of church and state where public funds for public services don’t play favorites with faith. Radical, I know, but it just might be so crazy it could work.
Source: Rubio-led measure would undo new Biden rule on faith-based charities
