Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
In the sprawling winter wonderland better known as Minnesota, and its similarly Democratic-minded brethren, there’s a progressive party and the guest of honor is none other than Lady Liberty herself. Yes, it appears these states have become fervent RSVP senders to the anti-censorship gala, with a plus one invitation to all the books that have been mercilessly banned elsewhere.
These defenders of the First Amendment decided that banning the ban was their new favorite pastime, spurning a modern-day intellectual Boston Tea Party without the waste of perfectly good Darjeeling.
The Breakdown:
- Fahrenheit 451 Was Supposed to Be a Warning, Not an Instruction Manual
Seemingly inspired by the trials of Truffaut’s dystopian drama, several states looked around, noticed everyone was trying to out-ban each other, and said, “Hold my constitutionally protected beer.” - Librarians: The New Age Rebels Without a Clause
Who would have thought the same people who shush you for loud whispers would become the leather-jacket-wearing, book-defending James Deans of the information superhighway? Librarians in these states are poised, ready to cite the freedom of information act as they rev their engines at the censorship stoplight. - “Think of the Children!” Yells Man Clutching ‘Catcher in the Rye’
There’s always one person reliving their moral panic heyday, convinced that every child within a 30-mile radius is being corrupted by Salinger’s sentences or seduced by the sultry sonnets of Shakespeare. - The ‘Parental Control’ Feature Became a Bit Too Literal
In a bold move, parents in some regions have been trying to apply TV-style parental controls to libraries, because nothing says “I trust the judgment of my child” like remotely managing their literary diet. - Politicians Discover Books Contain Words
And immediately, some were shocked to find that these ‘words’ can string together to form ‘ideas,’ occasionally complex and challenging ones. It’s reported that legislators are now requiring fainting couches in capitol buildings nationwide, just in case someone cracks open an Orwell.
The Counter:
- Ban the Banter, Not the Books
Obviously, the best way to avoid the controversy over controversial books is to ban everything, including banter. If words can’t hurt you if you never encounter them, right? - Libraries to Adopt Netflix Ratings: Because If It Works for ‘Stranger Things’…
No more librarians, now all books are sorted by an algorithm that thinks if you liked ‘1984,’ you’ll definitely want to check out ‘Green Eggs and Ham.’ Because context isn’t important. - Stockholm Syndrome, But for Literature
If we keep the books banned for long enough, maybe we’ll fall in love with not reading them. After all, ignorance is a kind of bliss. - Return to Oral Tradition: Bye-Bye Books
Let’s scrap the written word altogether and embrace our ancestral roots; oral storytelling in the public square. Added benefit: it’s incredibly difficult to ban spoken stories when there’s no evidence left behind. - Censorship via Interpretive Dance
When words are the enemy, perhaps the only safe way to express contentious ideas is through the power of dance. Good luck interpreting the nuances of constitutional law in a tap number.
The Hot Take:
The real giggle here is how these audacious attempts at censorship are not only anti-educational but also wildly entertaining in their sheer absurdity. The liberal solution, naturally, is to throw a proper shindig in honor of the banned. Now, this isn’t your grandma’s book club; it’s a no-holds-barred buffet of the printed word! Piñatas filled with bookmarks, spontaneous readings of ‘To Kill a Mockingbird’ on public transport, and book-themed flash mobs are just the beginning.
The main course, though, remains the same—fomenting a love of reading that is as irrepressible as laughter at a funeral, as untamable as my eyebrows on a windy day. To fix the problem, we encourage book-banning states to join the party. Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we read!
Source: Minnesota and other Democratic-led states lead pushback on censorship. They’re banning the book ban
