Estimated reading time: 3 minutes
In a sparkling display of irony so thick you could slice it with a knife, Donald Trump took to the stage at an NRA convention spouting what can only be described as a rambling manifesto of self-congratulation and bewildering anecdotes. Picture this: a man whose tenure in office was less like a graceful ballet and more like a hippopotamus in a tutu on ice skates, speaking at an event celebrating guns—the very thing we’ve been desperately trying to have fewer of in schools, theaters, and basically everywhere else.
This little shindig took place in Texas, and if you haven’t heard by now, they like their guns big, their steaks big, and evidently, their political speeches confusingly enormous. Folks, if Trump’s words were bullets, we’d all be scratching our heads trying to figure out what target he was aiming at. He accused Joe Biden of everything short of causing the extinction of dinosaurs. Come on, we all know that was the meteor’s job.
Trump’s performance was a classic case of what I like to call ‘political improv comedy,’ where the facts are made up and the points don’t matter. Yes, that’s right, the points are like Trump’s plans for a coherent environmental policy—nonexistent.
He claimed he ‘froze’ for effect. Yeah, sure, and I’m freezing my facial expressions for effect every time I see my phone bill. The only thing frozen during his rally were the brains of the audience, trying desperately to decipher the cryptic puzzle that is Trumpian logic. It’s like trying to read hieroglyphics without Rosetta Stone.
Now, let’s talk about the NRA loving Trump. This is the kind of impossible love story that would make Romeo and Juliet look like a casual Tinder hookup. He’s got them eating out of his hand while he’s feeding them a diet of fear, paranoia, and good ol’ fashioned American ‘patriotism’. Honestly, you’d have a more stimulating conversation trying to convince a brick wall to vote.
Speaking of walls, Trump still seems to think his wall is the best thing since sliced bread. The guy builds one lousy wall and suddenly he’s Bob the Builder. Can we fix it? No, it’s fundamentally a terrible idea that solves nothing.
And amidst all this, Trump stands there, like a man who just knocked over his neighbor’s mailbox shouting, “Fake news” at any semblance of criticism. It’s a masterclass in denial. The only thing he hasn’t claimed fake yet is the hair on his head.
Bottom line, folks, Trump at the NRA convention is the comedy goldmine we’ve been waiting for. It’s the gift that keeps on giving, like a Jelly of the Month Club membership but with more rambling and less jelly. This man could turn a reading of the phone book into a national spectacle of eye rolls and facepalms.
As we continue to barrel down this confetti-laden road to the next election, remember, sometimes you’ve got to laugh to keep from screaming. But with Trump, you might end up doing both.
Source: Donald Trump Fires Back at Claims He ‘Froze’ During Rally
