Estimated reading time: 3 minutes
It’s that time again, folks. The presidential election is rolling around, and while I like a good circus just as much as the next person, the level of spine-tingling dread they’re selling us this year—well, it’s like Halloween and Friday the 13th had a terrifying baby. With media headlines screaming Fears of Violence, Disruption Ahead of Presidential Election, you’d think we were organizing a gladiator fight and not an election.
Now, let’s get a few things straight—no, not just your grandma’s spine after she tries yoga for the first time (which is a hilarious sight, by the way). We’ve got the usual suspects: pundits on TV acting like they’ve sniffed too much printer ink and going nuttier than squirrel poop. And then the headlines—oh, the headlines! They aren’t just fearmongering; they invite fear over for dinner, serve it a gourmet meal, and ask it to move into the spare bedroom.
Let’s dissect the insanity, shall we? First, there’s this palpable “fear” of violence. Sure, politics isn’t exactly a cuddle fest—it’s more like that awkward family reunion where Uncle Bob ends up launching olives across the table. But honestly, when did we start needing to prep the bunkers every time we need to put a tick on a ballot?
Moving on to the disruption. This term is so vague; it’s like saying I have an opinion on Nebulae—I mean, I could if I knew squat about them. Election disruption? What next? Anarchy because someone messed up their latte order? Chaos over the color of the voting booths? “Oh no, not periwinkle blue! That’s the third sign of the apocalypse!”
Now, onto my favorite part—solutions. Because obviously, every Tom, Dick, and Harriet has one. From more police at polling stations to online voting solutions, it’s like watching a bad episode of Shark Tank. Except here, instead of inventing a new form of a potato peeler, we’re trying to jigsaw the very essence of democracy. I can just see it now, online voting that glitches like my first computer—a delightful box of uncertainty that once lost three college essays and randomly played “Who Let The Dogs Out?”.
And let us not forget the armies of online trolls—oops, I mean concerned ‘netizens’ who are ready at a moment’s notice to type out their very well-reasoned, completely factual opinions. These guys could start a fight in an empty room. Seeing them argue is like watching two bald men fight over a comb.
So, what’s a sane person to do amid this electoral freak-out fest? Laugh. Yes, laugh because if you don’t, you might just cry. Between now and election day, I recommend comedy over news. Because if you’re going to listen to clowns, they might as well be intentional.
And finally, a note to all those stewing in their doomsday preps and conspiracy salads—take a chill pill. Democracy isn’t a finely tuned symphony; it’s more like your nephew’s fourth-grade recital—painfully out of tune but with good intentions.
So, as the election approaches, take everything you hear with a grain—no, a whole shaker—of salt. Get out and vote, sure, but let’s not turn it into a spectacle where we lose more hair and sleep than necessary. And remember, if the world did end every time they predicted, we’d have been toast a long time ago. Cheers to surviving another election year—now, can someone pass the popcorn?
Source: Fears of Violence, Disruption Ahead of Presidential Election
