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Source: Biden Vetoes Republican Measure to Block Electric Vehicle Charging Stations

The Details

And so, it has come to pass that in an act that could only be imagined in the wildest of green dreams, President Biden, donning his sustainability cape, has swooped in to veto the grand old party’s attempt to play whack-a-mole with electric vehicle charging stations. Apparently, someone needs to tell these folks that trying to block a surge of electric energy is like trying to stop a thunderstorm with a silk umbrella. Doesn’t work out well, trust me.

The Breakdown

• Bullet Point 1: An Underground Conspiracy Of Wattage And Joules
  Oh, buckle up, because this is the conspiracy the car-obsessed uncles at Thanksgiving were warning us about. We got the Republicans up in arms because—hold the phone—Americans might have too many places to charge their Teslas. Not on their watch! Why make it easier for ‘Joe Eco-friendly’ to drive cross-country without pumping a drop of good old petroleum? That’s just un-American, right?
• Bullet Point 2: Big Oil’s Lament – The Soundtrack of Our Time
  Truly, a heartbreaking ballad for the ages. As electric vehicles plug into the future, somewhere, a lone oil exec plays a tiny violin, mourning the loss of his fourth private jet. And those Republicans? They’re the backup singers, harmonizing the woes of billionaire blues. Can’t you just feel the sincerity?
• Bullet Point 3: Attack Of The Killer Electrons!
  It’s electric—literally. Opponents of the charging stations seem to believe these electrons are on a rampage, burning holes through the very fabric of society. Middle-aged men across the nation will have to explain to their sons why the once-mighty roar of a V8 engine is replaced by the silent, soulless glide of an electric car. Oh, the humanity!
• Bullet Point 4: The Great Charging Station Oversight – Who Watches The Electrons?
  Lawmakers are petrified! Without their valiant intervention, who will oversee these wild electrons dispensing from public chargers? Suppose they band together and decide to overthrow their human masters? It’s I, Robot meets Tesla – will Smith better be on standby.
• Bullet Point 5: Charging Forward – Resistance Is Futile
  Here’s the dystopian future our conspiracy theorists have seen in their oil-tainted crystal balls: A world where the air is still breathable, and the ice caps are not on a liquid diet. Scary stuff. They know that every charging station is just a nail in the petroleum coffin, and they won’t stand for it—unless it’s oil-slicked ground they’re standing on.

The Counter

• Counter 1: Bigfoot’s Big Lie – More Believable Than Charging Conspiracies
  Let’s be fair now and consider that maybe, just maybe, charging stations are a front for Bigfoot to juice up his electric golf cart. Sounds about as plausible as some of the arguments against them, right?
• Counter 2: Stone Age Was The Best Age
  I mean, who needs progress? We had it all figured out when we were sitting in caves, grunting at fire. These evolved degenerates thinking electricity can replace fire? Next thing you know, they’ll say the Earth isn’t flat!
• Counter 3: Remember The Hindenburg?
  That’s right, remember the humanity! Because, as we all know, the Hindenburg is utterly relevant to charging electric cars. Maybe they think EVs are filled with hydrogen? Anything’s possible if you skip science class.
• Counter 4: The Iceberg Argument – If The Titanic Didn’t Need It, Why Do We?
  You got it; leverage the tragedy. The Titanic didn’t need no fancy electric charging stations to cross the Atlantic! Right? It had other, erm, issues to worry about—like a particular ice cube. But let’s not let historical context or logic get in the way of a good argument.
• Counter 5: Job Stealers!
  These charging stations are taking jobs from hard-working gas pumps across the country. Next thing you’ll see is a gas nozzle panhandling on the street corner with a sign reading, “Will dispense unleaded for food.”

The Hot Take

You want the juice? Here’s the squeeze: Let’s be clear, the only real crisis we’re facing with these EV charging stations is a severe shortage of dead dinosaurs to fuel our “classics.” So, the fix is easy – let’s pair every charger with a mechanical T-Rex. It’s a nostalgia win and frankly, just good comedy.

But here’s the hot environmental take—let’s not stop with charging stations. Every time we install one, let’s plant a tree, or better yet, let’s get some solar panels up there to power these puppies. We can call it “giving Mother Nature a high-five.” Let’s get our kicks and fix the mix by doubling down on renewables. Because, at the end of the day, it’s a lot more fun speeding into the future than crawling back into the past.