Estimated reading time: 3 minutes
Source: George Soros scoops up 220 U.S. radio stations ahead of 2024 election
The Details
In a world where the phrase “fake news” is as common as a Starbucks on every corner, George Soros thinks to himself, “What’s a billionaire gotta do to get some air time around here?” Well, kids, strap in because Soros, in a move that makes Scrooge McDuck’s money swim look like a kiddie pool party, has scooped up not one, not ten, but a whopping 220 U.S. radio stations right before the 2024 election. Apparently, Soros was bored with having a net worth that rivals the GDP of small countries and decided to play a real-life game of Monopoly with the U.S. airwaves.
The Breakdown
- “And The Soros Jukebox Keeps Playing”
Georgey boy’s got himself a new toy — a media empire big enough to make Rupert Murdoch do a double-take. This isn’t just a game of Risk; it’s more like a real-life ‘Risk-y business.’ - “Broadcasting the Scent of Money”
What’s that smell? Oh, it’s just the sweet, sweet fragrance of dollar bills floating through the airwaves. If money talks, Soros’s bank account just bought itself a megaphone. - “The Liberal Batman’s Bat Signal”
When the dark knight of liberal causes wants to light up the night sky, he doesn’t use a bat signal; he buys radio stations. That’ll surely light up the conservative’s Twitter — with the power of a thousand suns. - “When Life Gives You Soros, Make Radio”
If broadcasting was an Olympic sport, Soros is the steroid-laden athlete who just can’t stop winning gold. This man doesn’t just control the narrative; he buys it wholesale. - “Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Conservative Edition”
As Soros extends his tentacles into the world of radio, somewhere a conservative’s diary just got a new entry: “Dear Diary, today, Soros triggered me again.”
The Counter
- “The Sound Of A Million Conservatives Crying Out”
Hold on to your hats, folks! Nothing sends a chill down a conservative’s spine like the words “Soros” and “media empire” in the same sentence. Boo! - “If You Can’t Beat ‘Em, Complain Louder”
Can’t win the airwaves? No worries. Just amplify the outrage and turn the volume up on victimhood. After all, it’s never too loud when you’re drowning in Soros conspiracy theories. - “Bring Back the Good Old Days of Radio”
Tune those dials back to a simpler time, when all you had to worry about was your neighbor’s lawnmower interrupting Rush Limbaugh’s rants, not Soros’ latest playlist. - “Soros Radio: It’s Not That Kind of Party”
Sorry to burst your bubble, but the Soros radio won’t be the place for birthday shout-outs or playing the top 40 hits. Unless the top hit is “Taxes: A Love Story.” - “Who Needs Radio When We Have Echo Chambers?”
Forget the radio; it’s so last century. True conservatives have soundproof echo chambers complete with social media filters to keep pesky facts at bay.
The Hot Take
Alright, pals, the gloves are off, or at least they would be if I weren’t scared to touch anything a billionaire has touched. So what’s the liberal hot take for fixing the newfound Soros sound system? Simple: Tune in, turn up, and let the sarcasm sizzle. Because nothing says democracy like a balanced media diet, and if George can dish it out with his billions, I say we all grab our forks and see if money really does buy better ratings. And if that doesn’t work, we always have plan B: crowdfunding a liberal media Death Star, because honestly, who wouldn’t want to tune in to the “Alderaan Morning Show”?
