Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
The Details
In the show-me state of Missouri, they’ve decided to show just how magnificently medieval they can be. Picture this: you’re pregnant, and your marriage is as stable as a house of cards in a tornado. You want out, you’re ready to file those papers and move on to brighter days. Oh, wait! The state slaps you with a ‘psych!’ so loud it reverberates in the echelons of absurdity. The law binds you to your soon-to-be-ex tighter than a pair of skinny jeans after Thanksgiving dinner. In Missouri, pregnant women can’t get a divorce, which sounds like a premise I’d jokingly drum up in my act, except there’s one teeny-tiny, not-so-funny detail: it’s true.
The Breakdown
- Missouri’s Motto: “Let’s make maternity a matrimony trap!”
Pregnancy is now Missouri’s latest method of marriage preservation. Obviously, the best time to enforce togetherness is when you’re both positively glowing with resentment. - A womb with a legal view
Apparently, Missouri believes that the womb is more than just a baby carriage; it’s a portable courtroom where the fetus gets to be the judge and deliver a nine-month sentence. - Divorce: The maternity leave of relationships
In Missouri, they treat divorce like some sort of luxury getaway that pregnant women just aren’t deserving of. Maybe they think the stress of a crumbling marriage is good for fetal development? - What about “until birth do us part”?
The law seems to have skipped a few words in the wedding vows or maybe just added an entire pregnancy term in the fine print. - “Get along shirt” but make it marital status
Missouri’s law treats pregnancy during a divorce like a sibling fight. Shove them into an oversized shirt – or in this case, a lingering marriage – and hope they work it out before someone taps out.
The Counter
- Marriage: A lifelong commitment (no backsies!)
Apparently, Missouri’s going the distance with the whole “’till death do us part” thing. Death, or at least 18 years of child support payments. - Pregnancy brain: Not just forgetting your keys, but your rights too!
Maybe Missouri just thinks pregnant women aren’t in their right minds to make such big decisions. Next, they’ll be taking away their right to vote because the baby might press the wrong button. - It’s for the kids! (That’s always a good excuse, right?)
Clearly, it’s in the best interest of the child to have married parents at all times. Even when those parents might be reenacting a scene from the ‘War of the Roses.’ - Shared custody? More like shared body!
Nothing says joint parental rights like denying divorce because you can’t split the baby in the womb. King Solomon would be proud. - Conception means no more introspection.
Pondering your life choices? Contemplating a split? Too late! You’ve got a bun in the oven, and now your hands – and apparently your marital status – are tied until the timer dings.
The Hot Take
So how do we slice through this Gordian knot of matrimonial mockery? We could start by treating women like adults who have the mental capacity to make their own decisions, even when they’re expecting. Revolutionary, I know! Then we swing back to basics: the right to divorce should be a basic civil right, not a hormonal hostage situation.
Let’s get these legislators on a reality show, “Political Survivor: Outwit, Outplay, Outlaw,” where their every decision gets met with a roar of laughter or a cascade of boos. And maybe, just maybe, they’d learn that tying someone down when they most need to fly is the antithesis of freedom, not the blueprint for a happy family. It’s the 21st century, folks, not the Dark Ages – although, given these kinds of laws, you’d be forgiven for confusing the two.
Source: Pregnant women can’t get divorced in Missouri. Here’s why
