Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
The Details
Ah, nothing quite like starting your morning with a steamy cup of controversy, made fresh from the grounds of dubious decisions. In today’s special blend, we have Clarence Thomas, a Supreme Court Justice not known for his mild flavor, hiring a new clerk with a tad bit of a zest for racist rhetoric, or so the allegations go.
Now, in a world where we’re still debating whether the chicken or the conspiracy theory came first, the right-wing machine stands locked and loaded, ready to revise and serve a new narrative. The platter? A scorching tale of denial, deflection, and the delectable art of ‘nuh-uh’ diplomacy.
The Breakdown
- Unwarranted Allegations or Dietary Supplements?
You see, according to some, accusations are like vitamins nowadays; they pop up daily and are supposedly good for your health — that is if your health thrives on chaos and court drama. The new clerk, freshly plucked from the vine of legal academia, appears to have been caught seasoning their prose with a dash too much racism. Who knew that law clerking required ingredients from the top shelf of the no-no spice rack? - Revisionist Cooking: The Right-Wing Recipe Book
Ah, the right-wing chefs have been busy in the kitchen, haven’t they? They’ve got their knives out, finely chopping reality into bite-sized pieces easier to swallow. Any unsavory bits, like potentially problematic past comments, are tossed out like moldy bread, lest they ruin the perfect taste of sanitized history stew. - In Defense of Free Speech or Just Free-for-All Speech?
It’s the age-old debate, like arguing over pineapple on pizza, but less fun and more filled with vitriolic aftertastes. Our clerk’s past musings have become a test kitchen for the limits of free speech, where you’re free to say whatever, as long as you’re cooking for the right (wing, that is) patrons. - Selective Seasoning Syndrome (SSS)
It’s a common kitchen mishap in the judicial cafeteria: selective seasoning syndrome. The symptoms include heavily flavoring certain past events while completely forgetting to spice others, resulting in a dish that’s inconsistent to the taste but, somehow, still palatable to a particular set of tongues. - Memory Lapses: Convenient or Congenital?
Apparently, there’s a sudden outbreak of amnesia going around, specifically targeting those who are otherwise so meticulous about preserving historical facts when it suits their menu. Past statements? Never heard of them! Past tweets? Must’ve been a different chef’s special!
The Counter
- Would You Like Some Cheese with That Whine?
Complaining about the past is like asking for extra cheese on your complaint burger — it doesn’t solve the lactose intolerance to problematic remarks, but hey, it makes for a juicier, greasier problem that’s harder to get your hands around. - He Who Has Not Tweeted Something Stupid, Cast the First Subtweet
In a digital age where your tweets could come back to haunt you like last night’s garlic breath, we collectively might just decide to pause and reflect — or nah, let’s just keep the retweets coming and hope nobody’s scrolling too far back. - The Clerk Is in the Right-wing House Now
The newbie clerk has been given a grand welcome into the arms of the right-wing fold, where everyone presumably has a spotless track record, as long as you squint hard enough and ignore all that unflattering evidence to the contrary. - Historical Flip-Flops Are The New Black (Robes)
Why stick with your original statement when you can flip-flop faster than a pancake on a greased griddle? Watch as narratives change more often than seasonal menus, all thanks to the magical power of time (and a forgetful public). - “It’s Just a Joke!” Said Every Jester Before the Guillotine
Remember, it’s all just jest until someone loses a rep (or a head, depending on how far back in history your ‘jokes’ go). Satire, sarcasm, offhand comments, it’s all fun and games; just be sure your humor is clerk-approved and legislature-friendly.
The Hot Take
In conclusion, if we want to season our legal system with a dash of integrity and a sprinkle of consistency, here’s a hot take, fresh out of the liberal oven: let’s insist on a recipe that calls for transparency, accountability, and a zero-tolerance policy for historical revisionism. If a dash of racism sneaks into the mix, don’t just toss it in the pantry and hope it goes stale.
Instead, let’s clean out our societal fridge once and for all, preferring to stock our shelves with fresher, more inclusive ingredients. And hey, if we’re feeling particularly spicy, let’s garnish with a robust dressing of voter engagement and civic education. Bon Appétit, democracy!
Source: Clarence Thomas’ new clerk was accused of racist rhetoric. Enter right-wing revisionism
