Estimated reading time: 3 minutes
The Details
So get this, folks – Alabama, the state that brought us the joys of sweet tea and college football, is now making headlines in the fertility world. But hold your horses, it’s not because they’ve invented a new kind of baby dance. No, it’s because they seem to have their governance compass pointing south when it comes to handling IVF – In Vitro Fertilization. You see, there’s this kerfuffle about “personhood” of pre-embryos, and it by and large seems like Alabama’s taking a hard line that could have couples needing a GPS to navigate the treacherous terrain of family planning.
The Breakdown
- You’ve Heard of Pre-Game Tailgates, Now Get Ready for Pre-Birth Debates!
- Alabama’s tossing in their two cents about when life begins, all while my buddy’s Betta fish gets more autonomy than a petri dish of potential Alabamians.
- Alabama’s tossing in their two cents about when life begins, all while my buddy’s Betta fish gets more autonomy than a petri dish of potential Alabamians.
- Rent-a-Uterus, Now More Politically Fraught Than Rent-a-Center!
- Couples aiming to start a family are feeling more loan-shark vibes than bank-loan approvals with all the legal hoops they have to jump through just to play a little ‘catch’ with the stork.
- Couples aiming to start a family are feeling more loan-shark vibes than bank-loan approvals with all the legal hoops they have to jump through just to play a little ‘catch’ with the stork.
- Grand Old Party or Grand Old Paternity Test?
- The Grand Old Party’s decided that the birds and the bees need a committee oversight. Next up, they’ll be asking for a notarized invitation to the conception party.
- The Grand Old Party’s decided that the birds and the bees need a committee oversight. Next up, they’ll be asking for a notarized invitation to the conception party.
- DIY Baby-Making Kits: Some Assembly Required, Batteries Not Included
- DIY projects have skyrocketed in popularity, but Alabama’s making it so you need more than a YouTube tutorial to piece together a new human.
- DIY projects have skyrocketed in popularity, but Alabama’s making it so you need more than a YouTube tutorial to piece together a new human.
- Bring Your Kids to Work Day: Now Starting at Conception
- Apparently, in Alabama, the minute your future kid’s in the lab, they’re clocking in and gaining seniority over actual employees.
The Counter
- Free the Pre-Embryos!
- Who needs basic rights for women when you can fight for the freedoms of a cluster of cells that can’t even pick out a tie for themselves?
- Who needs basic rights for women when you can fight for the freedoms of a cluster of cells that can’t even pick out a tie for themselves?
- Heavy Lifting: Egg Retrievals Now Require a Forklift Operator’s License
- In response, Alabama’s Department of Labor will promptly be issuing forklift licenses for the careful transportation of all future potential voters.
- In response, Alabama’s Department of Labor will promptly be issuing forklift licenses for the careful transportation of all future potential voters.
- New Reality Show: The Amazing Fertilization Race
- Alabama’s daring new TV pitch: watch as would-be parents race against legislation. Spoiler alert: there’s a plot twist every commercial break!
- Alabama’s daring new TV pitch: watch as would-be parents race against legislation. Spoiler alert: there’s a plot twist every commercial break!
- Red State, Blue State, Some Want to Parent, State Says “Wait!“
- While you’re deciding on a nursery theme, your state legislature is busy playing “Red Rover” with your embryos across the state line.
- While you’re deciding on a nursery theme, your state legislature is busy playing “Red Rover” with your embryos across the state line.
- EmbryoGate: The Scandal of Unborn Citizens Without Representation
- Hold your bottles and diapers, the next great American revolution might just be fought in a freezer.
The Hot Take
And now, dear baby-makers, comes the grand finale: hot, like the Alabama asphalt. Let’s serve it straight – these IV-condoms of legislation could use a poke or two. How about we try some real simple solutions: respect for women’s choices, science with a mix of common sense, and maybe, oh I don’t know, a side dish of minding your own business?
How about we put that energy into, say, education or healthcare? But what do I know? I’m just a liberal comedian who believes that the bedroom crowd should maybe consult the actual bed owners before legislating the bedrock of family life. And until common sense prevails, may all your bureaucratic encounters be as comfortable as a laugh track in a silent film.
Source: Fertility Patients in Red States Making Drastic Moves After Alabama
