Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
In an age where politics and reality TV tragically collide, the latest episode features none other than the Grand Old Party’s favorite reality star, Donald Trump, and his penchant for creative fiction regarding election results. The Democrats, not typically known for their speed, have actually preempted probable future episodes of “Election Denial Mania”.
By girding their loins and their legal briefs, they’ve plotted a course to counteract any future non-concession speeches. So, we tiptoe through a garden of electoral schemes, with the Biden team as our less than intrepid gardeners, hoping to prune the weeds of deceit before they overtake the democracy greenery we’ve so tenderly cultivated.
The Breakdown
- Oops, We Did It Again: Democrats strategize to prevent Trump’s not-so-surprising election night plot twists.
- Like a sequel to a movie no one wanted to see, Biden’s team is apparently crafting a how-to guide on not getting punk’d come election night. Spoiler alert: it involves actual reality and data. I know, quite novel for a political saga.
- Like a sequel to a movie no one wanted to see, Biden’s team is apparently crafting a how-to guide on not getting punk’d come election night. Spoiler alert: it involves actual reality and data. I know, quite novel for a political saga.
- Lawyer Up, Buttercup: Anticipating the deluge of legal shenanigans.
- It’s like Dial-a-Lawyer, except instead of solving cute small claims disputes, they’ll be duking it out in judicial Thunderdomes across the land. Our warriors of justice, armed with the mightiest of writs and motions, stand ready to parry the flurry of fanciful fraud accusations.
- It’s like Dial-a-Lawyer, except instead of solving cute small claims disputes, they’ll be duking it out in judicial Thunderdomes across the land. Our warriors of justice, armed with the mightiest of writs and motions, stand ready to parry the flurry of fanciful fraud accusations.
- Media Wars: The Fake News Strikes Back: Controlling the narrative before it spirals into conspiracy theories.
- Remember when news was boring? Me neither. The Dems plan to seize the storytelling baton before it becomes a lightsaber of lies. It’s a battle for the airwaves, people, complete with spoiler alerts, broadcast blocks, and, fingers crossed, less-crazy charts by Steve Kornacki.
- Remember when news was boring? Me neither. The Dems plan to seize the storytelling baton before it becomes a lightsaber of lies. It’s a battle for the airwaves, people, complete with spoiler alerts, broadcast blocks, and, fingers crossed, less-crazy charts by Steve Kornacki.
- Social Media Crusaders: Preemptive strikes on the Tweeting and Tok’ing battlegrounds.
- In anticipation of trending hashtags like #ThisElectionIsSoRigged, strategy documents probably titled “How To Twitter Without Getting Twisted” are in the works. Prepare for memes, GIFs, and TikTok dances designed to hypnotize the masses into accepting distilled truths.
- In anticipation of trending hashtags like #ThisElectionIsSoRigged, strategy documents probably titled “How To Twitter Without Getting Twisted” are in the works. Prepare for memes, GIFs, and TikTok dances designed to hypnotize the masses into accepting distilled truths.
- Polling Place Power Plays: Ensuring voter turnout isn’t just a turnout of voters.
- With lessons learned from that one time when we thought emails were the biggest problem, the Dems are donning their political Fitbits, counting every step to ensure your grandma actually gets to press that beautiful, freedom-ringing VOTE button.
- With lessons learned from that one time when we thought emails were the biggest problem, the Dems are donning their political Fitbits, counting every step to ensure your grandma actually gets to press that beautiful, freedom-ringing VOTE button.
The Counter
- Truth? We Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Truth: Let’s reminisce the ‘good old days’ of baseless claims.
- Who needs reality when alternative facts are much shinier? Remember, just because it didn’t happen doesn’t mean it can’t be judicially debated ad nauseam.
- Who needs reality when alternative facts are much shinier? Remember, just because it didn’t happen doesn’t mean it can’t be judicially debated ad nauseam.
- Clearly, It’s Always Been Rigged: The timeless classic that everything is “rigged” except for the victories.
- The concept is simple. If you lose, it’s a diabolical plot. If you win, democracy triumphs! It’s heads I win, tails you cheated. A celestial balance maintained by selective outrage.
- The concept is simple. If you lose, it’s a diabolical plot. If you win, democracy triumphs! It’s heads I win, tails you cheated. A celestial balance maintained by selective outrage.
- Social Media Battles: Keyboard Warriors Assemble: What can a few memes really do?
- Let’s be real, a carefully crafted 280 characters can totally overshadow years of policy debate. After all, isn’t the pen mightier than the sword, or in this case, the tweet mightier than the truth?
- Let’s be real, a carefully crafted 280 characters can totally overshadow years of policy debate. After all, isn’t the pen mightier than the sword, or in this case, the tweet mightier than the truth?
- The Glorious Unpredictability of the American Voter: Because plans always work perfectly.
- This is America, land of the 11th-hour game-changer. Why even plan when the Fiesta de Flip-Flop can throw everything in disarray? Your vote matters, but the dramatic narrative matters more.
- This is America, land of the 11th-hour game-changer. Why even plan when the Fiesta de Flip-Flop can throw everything in disarray? Your vote matters, but the dramatic narrative matters more.
- Can’t we just get along?: Because bipartisan means never having to say you’re serious.
- The dream of a purple America, where Democrats and Republicans skip hand-in-hand towards the sunset of unity, is just a few sarcastic remarks away, right?
- The dream of a purple America, where Democrats and Republicans skip hand-in-hand towards the sunset of unity, is just a few sarcastic remarks away, right?
The Hot Take
In the grand finale of this sitcom we’re collectively living through, the moral of the story is: When you play the Game of Votes, you counter or you cry. Fixing the problem is like teaching a cat to bark, but here’s a hot take that could serve as a scratching post of sanity.
Embrace the underdog role, rally the legal dream teams, and spill that scalding tea of truth everywhere you can. Keep those court battles as theatrical as Oscar-worthy monologues because, let’s face it, everyone loves a dramatic courtroom showdown.
And as for unity; ensure it’s trending—both online and in real life. Because, in the end, if we can’t laugh at the pure absurdity of it all, we may just cry. And laughing burns more calories, so it’s better for health care costs.
Source: BATTLE STATIONS: Biden team sets plans to COUNTER future Trump election denials
