Estimated reading time: 5 minutes
In the grand old tradition of decisions that make you spit out your morning coffee, the Supreme Court has just given the state of Idaho a gold star for their “Think of the Children” act—essentially putting the kibosh on transgender treatment for those who aren’t old enough to vote. Now, if your idea of morning news involves unicorns dancing over rainbows, this may just be a spit-take of epic proportions. But hey, you’re mature adults (I assume), so let’s strap on our big-kid boots and wade through the mudpit that is this legislative hootenanny, shall we?
The Breakdown:
- Checks, Balances, and Volleyballs: The Supreme Court just lobbed the hot potato back to Idaho faster than a beach volleyball during spring break. Meanwhile, Idaho’s like the overly competitive uncle at the family reunion, saying, “I got this,” while everyone cringes.
Specifics: We’re talking about a law that slams the door shut on treatments for transgender minors—essentially everything from hormone therapy to surgical interventions is off the table. We now await the inevitable reality show where state legislatures one-up each other with laws that sound like they were written on a napkin… in the dark… during an earthquake.
- Minors’ Rights, or Minor Rights?: The Land of Potatoes says it’s protecting kids. But protecting them from what? The right to, I dunno, be themselves? It’s like putting a padlock on the fridge and saying it’s a weight loss program.
Specifics: Idaho’s law puts healthcare providers in a hammerlock, threatening to fine or imprison them if they treat transgender minors. It’s like they turned healthcare into the world’s worst game of Red Rover, with doctors on one side, teens in the middle, and lawmakers shouting, “Red rover, red rover, send rights over!”
- Living in Technicolor: Idaho seems to view gender in the same rich, varied terms as their potato crops: russets or reds. Period. Spot the difference, and you might as well be a magician.
Specifics: The kids affected by this aren’t trying to pull off Penn & Teller stunts; they’re trying to navigate a world that already feels like it’s scripted by M. Night Shyamalan. And now it’s like the state is saying, “Plot twist! No treatments for you!”
- Political Medicine: Just when you thought healthcare was between you and your doctor, Idaho rolls in yelling “Group project!” And we all know how those turn out—everyone gets C’s, and nobody’s happy.
Specifics: This isn’t a gentle suggestion; it’s a bulldozer through personal health decisions. I mean, when did politicians become honorary MD’s? Did I miss the ceremony? Was there cake?
- Future History Books: Can you imagine future students reading about this? “Chapter 12: When America Almost Got Its Head Out of Its Ass.” Spoiler: It’s a short chapter.
Specifics: This law isn’t just a step back, it’s a moonwalk back into a past where folks just couldn’t grasp that gender isn’t always a “one or the other” deal. Even MJ would say that’s a bad thriller.
The Counter:
- Gender Bender Blender: The Supreme Court shows off its mixology skills with a cocktail that’s one part “Leave It to Beaver,” two parts “Handmaid’s Tale,” and a splash of “1984.” Cheers, comrades!
Specifics: Welcome to Gilead, adjacent. We’ve got all the oversight of a dystopian regime with none of the snappy uniforms. Who needs freedom when you’ve got government-mandated gender norms?
- Protect the Statutes, but Forget the Kids: Gird your loins, America! We’re protecting the sanctity of… laws? Meanwhile, kids are like, “Hello? Ontological security? Self-identity? Anyone?”
Specifics: This feels like when parents used to say, “Because I said so.” Except it’s not about bedtime; it’s about denying access to healthcare that aligns with a kid’s experienced gender. So, same-same, but terrifyingly different.
- Science, Schmience: Science took the time to study, research, and develop treatments. Idaho said, “That’s cute,” and steamrolled it with the subtlety of Godzilla in a china shop.
Specifics: Goodbye, evidence-based medicine; hello, legislation-based medicine. Idaho’s putting the “no” in innovation. Their next bill might as well outlaw gravity for being too down.
- The Irony of Freedom: “Land of the Free,” unless you’re under 18 and your gender feels like a round peg in the square hole of societal expectations.
Specifics: This just in: freedom now comes with footnotes, addendums, and a close adherence to the gender binary. Be sure to read the fine print, folks!
- The New Age of Consent: Turns out consent has an age, and if you’re not at that age, the state’s parental instincts kick in. And boy, do they have some outdated parenting books.
Specifics: If the state was a parent, it would be the one that forbids you from going to prom because your date doesn’t meet their gender expectations. So much for personal autonomy, eh?
The Hot Take:
How do we fix this mess? It’s simple really: stop politicizing potatoes—I mean, gender. Let kids be kids, and that includes letting them seek the healthcare they, their parents, and their professionals deem necessary. Instead of legislative LARPing, how about we get the lawmakers to sit in a circle, hold hands, and repeat after me: “Gender is complex. Healthcare is personal. Children deserve our support, not our dogma.”
As for the Supremes, maybe it’s time for a remix of their greatest hits—like swapping “Stop! In the Name of Love” for “Stop! In the Name of Common Sense.”
Until then, stay sane out there—or at least, as sane as one can when the world’s about as predictable as a cat on catnip.
Source: Supreme Court Clears Way, for Now, for Idaho to Ban Transgender Treatment for Minors
