Estimated reading time: 3 minutes
So, the government has finally solved all our problems, right? Wrong! Instead, they’ve gone ahead and banned transgander geese. Yeah, you heard that right. In a world riddled with corruption, climate crisis, and who knows what else, the priority has become the gender identity of geese. Someone, please hand over the award for the most ludicrous agenda of the year!
Now, I’m not saying geese don’t have their issues. They honk like maniacs, they chase you around the park like they own the place (which, to be fair, they kind of do), and they poop like there’s no tomorrow. But of all the things to regulate, transgandering? What’s next? Background checks before ducks can quack?
Let’s be real here, the notion itself sounds like something out of a bad sci-fi novel. What does a transgander goose even look like? Does it wear tiny little goose shoes of a different gender? Does it undergo beak enhancement surgery? And most importantly, who checks? Do we have undercover wildlife officers now, roaming through our parks with binoculars, spying on unsuspecting geese?
The seriousness of this legislation is as believable as my diet plan during the holidays. Remember, folks, we’re living in a society where some folks believe the Earth is flat and chocolate milk comes from brown cows, and yet, it’s the geese who are taking the fall for identity issues. If you ever feel useless, remember a part of your tax money is now going into policing the poor, confused geese.
Compliance measures – I can’t even say this with a straight face – imagine being the poor soul who has to check every goose for its original and new gender. Next thing you know, there’s a binge-worthy Netflix series titled The Goose Whisperer: Gender Bend Edition. Do these officials get special training in avian gender studies? Is there a secret handbook titled “50 Shades of Geese”?
And what about the geese themselves? How do they appeal this blatant profiling? Is there a special court hearing their cases? “Your honor, this accusation is base, I was merely following my flock!” The whole courtroom drama would be more entertaining than reality TV.
Environmental impact? Sure, because when I think of carbon footprints and ozone depletion, my first concern is the gender fluidity of waterfowl. Perhaps the geese are plotting to take over the world, or maybe they’re just trying to navigate through their migrations without being judged.
All this, and yet, homelessness, health care reform, and education are still looking for their spot in the urgent agenda queue. But fear not, citizens, for your government has ensured that the geese will not corrupt the moral fabric of our society with their confusing gender roles!
In conclusion, while the world burns from wildfires, gets flooded by rising sea levels, and is pockmarked by the increasingly frequent ‘once-in-a-century’ storms, rest assured that no goose will sneak past our watchful eyes with the wrong gender identity. Sleep easy tonight, my friends, our priorities have never been clearer.
