Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
In an era where political theater gets more airtime than actual governance, our friends—the endearingly obstinate House Republicans—have taken a bold step that’s sure to make headlines rather than policy changes. They are threatening to hold one Merrick Garland, the epitome of a man who would rather read a law journal than engage in a Twitter feud, in contempt of Congress. Now, for anyone keeping score at home, that’s the legislative equivalent of sending someone to bed without dessert, assuming they actually cared about the dessert in the first place.
The Breakdown
- Spectacle Over Substance: The New Congressional Mantra
- Let’s put on our surprised faces as the GOP turns a tenet of the constitution—checks and balances—into a spectator sport. With the threat of contempt, they’re less about balancing the scales of justice and more about juggling them for the crowd.
- Let’s put on our surprised faces as the GOP turns a tenet of the constitution—checks and balances—into a spectator sport. With the threat of contempt, they’re less about balancing the scales of justice and more about juggling them for the crowd.
- Contempt as a Service (CaaS): Subscribe Now for Weekly Drama
- If you thought “Netflix and Chill” was the ultimate Friday night plan, wait until you subscribe to the Congressional feed. For a low fee of your sanity, you can get weekly updates on who’s being threatened with contempt this time!
- If you thought “Netflix and Chill” was the ultimate Friday night plan, wait until you subscribe to the Congressional feed. For a low fee of your sanity, you can get weekly updates on who’s being threatened with contempt this time!
- Garland’s Middle School Detention: A Badge of Honor?
- In the grand scheme of Washington’s eternal squabble, being held in contempt by Congress is starting to sound a lot like being the cool rebel in middle school. Everyone secretly wishes they had the guts to earn that badge.
- In the grand scheme of Washington’s eternal squabble, being held in contempt by Congress is starting to sound a lot like being the cool rebel in middle school. Everyone secretly wishes they had the guts to earn that badge.
- The Art of the Threat: Empty Words or Masterful Intimidation?
- Making threats is an art in D.C. If you’re not threatening subpoenas, contempt, or filibusters before breakfast, are you even governing? The GOP certainly seems to think it’s the latter.
- Making threats is an art in D.C. If you’re not threatening subpoenas, contempt, or filibusters before breakfast, are you even governing? The GOP certainly seems to think it’s the latter.
- The Boy Who Cried ‘Contempt’: Will Anyone Listen This Time?
- Much like the tale of the boy who cried wolf, but with less fur and more subpoenas, we have to wonder if these threats have become mere background noise. Perhaps they should consider a more surprising move—like bipartisan cooperation?
- Much like the tale of the boy who cried wolf, but with less fur and more subpoenas, we have to wonder if these threats have become mere background noise. Perhaps they should consider a more surprising move—like bipartisan cooperation?
The Counter
- Full Faith and Credit: Legal Tender or Just Monopoly Money?
- If contempt of Congress is the currency of the realm in D.C., I’m waiting patiently for the day when I can use it to pay off my student loans. Surely it’s worth something, right? Right?!
- If contempt of Congress is the currency of the realm in D.C., I’m waiting patiently for the day when I can use it to pay off my student loans. Surely it’s worth something, right? Right?!
- GOP’s Compass: Navigating the Waters of Justice or Just Lost at Sea?
- Republicans seem to have replaced their moral compass with a broken GPS set to the destination “Anarchy.” Sure, they’re making waves, but are they aware that they’re in the kiddie pool?
- Republicans seem to have replaced their moral compass with a broken GPS set to the destination “Anarchy.” Sure, they’re making waves, but are they aware that they’re in the kiddie pool?
- Crying Over Spilt Executive Privilege: Get a Mop or a Megaphone?
- Executive privilege is like spilling milk all over Congress. Do you grab a mop or, as the GOP likes prefers, a megaphone to ensure everyone hears about the mess?
- Executive privilege is like spilling milk all over Congress. Do you grab a mop or, as the GOP likes prefers, a megaphone to ensure everyone hears about the mess?
- The Pot Calling the Kettle ‘Contemptible’: Irony or Ignorance?
- Ah, the sweet sound of the pot calling the kettle black, or in this case, “contemptible.” Irony seems to be lost on our congresspeople, or maybe they’re just steeped in their own version of reality-tea.
- Ah, the sweet sound of the pot calling the kettle black, or in this case, “contemptible.” Irony seems to be lost on our congresspeople, or maybe they’re just steeped in their own version of reality-tea.
- The Two-Year-Old’s Guide to Legislating: ‘No!’ and ‘Mine!’
- Watching the GOP’s approach to Garland feels a bit like observing a toddler’s temper tantrum. A lot of noise, a little snot, and in the end, a time-out might be the best solution for all.
- Watching the GOP’s approach to Garland feels a bit like observing a toddler’s temper tantrum. A lot of noise, a little snot, and in the end, a time-out might be the best solution for all.
The Hot Take
In the comedy of errors that is contemporary politics, fixing the problem seems as likely as convincing a cat to take a leisurely bath. Still, in the spirit of liberal optimism and rampant sarcasm, here’s my hot take: How about we start by electing officials who recognize that ‘contempt of Congress’ should be a serious charge, not a weekly installment on the reality show that is our government?
Maybe we could try fostering dialogue instead of slinging mud across the aisle. Or, heaven forbid, we could even try actually reading the bills we pass—now, wouldn’t that be a hoot? Until then, I suggest we buckle up, grab our popcorn, and enjoy the farce that is these threats of contempt. Because let’s face it, if we don’t laugh, we’ll cry… and there’s enough crying in D.C. to fill the Reflecting Pool twice over.
Source: House Republicans threaten to hold Merrick Garland in contempt of Congress
