Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
In an act that has restored my faith in our judicial system (and that’s saying something because my faith is as thin as comb-over on a windy day), the Montana Supreme Court has knocked down laws faster than a toddler with a new set of Jenga. That’s right—laws intended to restrict voting access have been sent to the land of ‘nope’.
This legal smackdown feels like it should be followed with a ‘Finish Him!’ out of sheer Mortal Kombat nostalgia. But before you get ahead of yourself, let’s dive into the down-and-dirty of what just happened in the Big Sky Country.
The Breakdown
- Voting Restrictions: They’ve got to go up, up, and away faster than Superman on laundry day.
Well, would you look at that? Montana thought it could just sneak in some laws to make voting as difficult as finding a sober person at a brewery. The attempted restrictions included ending Election Day voter registration and tightening ID requirements—because nothing says ‘freedom’ like making freedom harder to access. - Election Day Registration: Cancelled faster than a sitcom with bad ratings.
They tried to put an end to Election Day registration, which I guess upsets anyone who ever thought, “Hey, I’d like to partake in my civic duty today.” I mean, who plans ahead, right? Certainly not me; I can’t even plan my lunch. - Student IDs: Apparently, as reliable as diet advice from a candy bar.
Montana’s rulers thought student IDs weren’t a good enough form of identification. Because, you know, nothing screams fraud like 19-year-olds trying to do their part in democracy. Good thing the Montana Supreme Court remembers what it was like to be young, hopeful, and slightly broke. - Ballot Harvesting: Now less fashionable than socks with sandals.
The court said ‘No, thank you’ to a law that prohibited ballot collecting efforts. Because how dare volunteers help people vote? Next, they’ll be helping elderly folks across the street, and we can’t have that. It’s just too… considerate. - The Legislature’s Complaints: Louder than a vegan in a steakhouse, but equally ignored.
The legislators cried foul, claiming that the judiciary was overstepping its bounds. But the court, armed with this thing called the ‘law’, was like a bouncer at a club turning away minors.
The Counter
- What’s Next? Unrestricted Breathing? The Horror!
If we start letting people vote willy-nilly, what’s next? Unrestricted breathing? Free speech without a subscription fee? - Election Day Chaos: Because orderly and convenient are words I never want associated with democracy.
Imagine the sheer chaos of people deciding on Election Day that they actually care about their country’s future. The thought is as absurd as expecting a cat to fetch your slippers. - The Authenticity of Student IDs: Surely, we can’t trust the face on your ID unless it’s got a non-college address.
Yeah, those student IDs might be good for getting discounts at the movies, but voting? That’s grown-up stuff. - What About Our Poor Sore Feet? The walk to the mailbox to mail a ballot could kill you!
Without ballot harvesting, people might have to walk all the way to their mailboxes to vote. The horror! The exercise! The mildly increased vitamin D from sunlight exposure! - The Legislative Whine: Because we legislate with our emotions, not logic.
Oh, I’m sorry, did the court’s adherence to the law hurt your feelings? Would you like a tissue? Or maybe a copy of the Constitution to dry your tears?
The Hot Take
In my professional, yet entirely sarcastic opinion, the solution is clear: we need to make voting as easy as downloading a song illegally in the early 2000s. I mean, if we can accept that someone thought a mullet was a good hair choice, we can accept voting shouldn’t be as complicated as assembling furniture from IKEA without instructions.
The hot take here is, encouraging voting shouldn’t feel like you’re asking your cat to take a bath. It’s a right, you knuckleheads, not a privilege reserved for those who can solve a Rubik’s Cube blindfolded. So my liberal fix? Crack open access to voting like a cold one after mowing the lawn. Trust me, democracy tastes better than that lukewarm beer you’ve been nursing.
And there you have it. A little sarcasm, a touch of comedy, and a sprinkle of hope served up style. Now, go forth and exercise that humor along with your right to vote—while Montana still allows you to.
Source: Montana Supreme Court strikes down voting restrictions
