Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
So, a bunch of terminally ill folks are raising their hands, asking states to legalize physician-assisted death. Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Lewis, isn’t there a rerun of ‘The Apprentice’ we could be watching?” But buckle up, buttercup, because this is serious.
It’s about having control over the final curtain call, and it seems some folks want to take their bow on their terms. The folks at the Daily Kos have thrown some words together about this gut-punching debate – sorry, ‘discussion’ – sharing stories of those whose daily attire is now pain and whose dance card is filled up with doctor visits.
The Breakdown:
- People Want a Golden Ticket to the Chocolate Factory in the Sky
Here’s the deal: terminally ill patients are arguing for the right to choose when to cash out of life’s casino. They’ve got a one-way ticket on the pain train with no more stops at Relief Central. Is it so bad they want to deboard before the train derails? Apparently, it’s as controversial as pineapple on pizza.
- Legislators Playing Doctor Without the Degree
Legislators are spouting their opinions louder than a vegan at a barbecue. These are the same sharp tools in the shed who think WebMD qualifies as medical school. They believe in the right to bear arms but scratch their heads at the right to bare deathbed choices.
- The God Argument Wearing a Halo and Wings
Some say it’s not our place to punch our own tickets, as the Man Upstairs has an exclusive contract on life and death. It’s like being at a party you want to leave, but you’ve got to wait for the host to kick you out, ignoring the fact that the house is on fire.
- The Slippery Slope of Becoming Sadistic Snowboarders
The concern of a ‘slippery slope’ is on the ramp about as much as I’m on a diet. Critics argue that if we let people die with dignity, what’s next, letting them eat dessert before dinner? Heaven forbid we give humans autonomy without a leash.
- Money Talks, Suffering Walks
The talk about healthcare costs is stickier than the floor at a movie theater. If we allow assisted death, do insurance companies start holding clearance sales? The fear is doctors prescribing death like it’s Black Friday, just to save a nickel.
The Counter:
- It’s Just a Flesh Wound
Some say, “Suck it up; what’s a little terminal agony amongst friends?” The joy of living another day in excruciating pain must be like finding an extra fry in your fast-food bag – completely worth the additional suffering.
- Doctors’ Hippocratic Oath Now Includes a Gag Rule
Remember when doctors took an oath to save lives? Well, nowadays, I figure they should add “and prolonging suffering indefinitely,” because that’s technically keeping someone alive. It’s like insisting your car runs fine as long as it’s on life support.
- The Almighty Dollar Has Spoken
“Think of the economy!” they cry. Let’s keep those medical bills rolling in because nothing says ‘value’ like charging a premium for agony extension services. Forget granny; let’s save that beach house!
- The Bureaucracy Tango
Then we’ve got the legal tango dance, where red tape turns into a noose. We love complicated legal work more than our own sanity, so let’s keep the paperwork pile higher than my blood pressure.
- The Fear of Missing Out Is Real
Who knows? Tomorrow might be the day they cure… everything. Do you really want to miss out on the medical miracle equivalent of the second season of Firefly? Keep suffering; hope is just around the corner, and it’s only a little late.
The Hot Take:
Look, here’s the steaming hot take in a liberal bread bowl: it’s about choice. To fix this grim comedy, give people their curtain call. You don’t need to play fetch with someone else’s life decisions. So here’s a revolutionary idea, how about we let adults make adult decisions about their final act? Crazy, right? Let’s normalize autonomy and dignify dignity, turning this Titanic around before we hit the iceberg of needless suffering.
Source: ‘I’m dying, you’re not’: Terminally ill ask states to legalize physician-assisted death
